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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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I'm Alive Again {Day 18}

Today's challenge is a hard one. A time when I felt passionate and alive?

I can't really pin down one, exactly. But I would have to say that there are a couple times I feel passionate and alive. First, when I write. And second, when I encounter Jesus in a personal way.

1. When I write.

I feel passionate and alive when I write - but perhaps the more accurate term would be when I'm inspired. That doesn't happen often enough, in my opinion. When I write something that makes me proud to be a writer - that's when I feel passionate and alive. When I know God is guiding my pen, and we're writing the story together; that's when I feel alive. When I create something beautiful, something wonderful. That's when I feel alive.

2. When I meet with Jesus.

This doesn't happen enough either. In fact, I wish it happened a lot more often. There have been a couple times I've met him in a new and startling way. It was at youth group. I had recently been diagnosed with a chronic pain syndrome, and I was mad at God, to be quite honest. I didn't even know I was mad at Him until the walls around my heart crumbled to the ground. I had distanced myself from Him, just because I didn't understand why He'd given me this trial. He met me there, at youth group, and I must say, I will never be the same. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me, drawing me close. And he asked for my heart. I gave it to him, once again. I surrendered. And that's when I truly felt alive again.

P.S. - Need a dose of randomness? Check this out! Because who doesn't love bacon?
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  1. LilyFebruary 27, 2011 at 7:38 AM

    I definitely feel alive during those times, too!!!!!!

    Love always,
    ~Lily

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  2. Grace For a GirlFebruary 27, 2011 at 3:09 PM

    *Meditive silence* Mmm. Yes. I entirely agree about inspiration. I can't write anything worthwhile without it. It's as if writing without purpose is a physical impossibility for me. (Now I feel like pondering something. Ponderings below.)

    Does this in any way carry over into the rest of our lives? I can't stand doing something that I don't see a purpose for. I know this sounds far-fetched, but even when I do redonkulous things I do them for a purpose. (Fun and redonkulousness, if you must know.) But when I don't see a purpose I don't like to do things.

    I have never experienced life without purpose because I have never fully experienced life without my Purpose (Christ.) But when I picture anything without a definite reason behind it; when I picture Life without a definite reason behind it, the imagery is dark and devastating. It's eye opening. Whoa. I would hate it. And suddenly I understand why some people can't bear to live; they can't survive with a blank and purposeless life bearing down on them. Who could?

    I'm sorry if some of you don't understand that, but I'm not sorry I wrote it. It was inspired.

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  3. Abigail and LydiaFebruary 27, 2011 at 4:06 PM

    Hello Sky~
    Thanks for the comment on my blog! I was looking at your profile, and we have a lot in common! Love your music choices~ :)
    Have a wonderful day!
    Lydia

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  4. Abigail and LydiaFebruary 27, 2011 at 4:09 PM

    I just saw on your 'about me' page that your name is Kylie~ not Sky... :)I was just going by what your profile said!
    ~Lydia

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