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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Deeper Magic {Day 3: A Favorite Book}

I don't read as much as I used to, but I say once a bookworm, always a bookworm. Being the bookworm that I am, I've read a TON of books, and as I was trying to figure out what book to write about today, I realized that there are few books that really truly impact me. There are good books that I read that I will remember as being good. But as I think back over them, nothing really sticks out in my mind about them. Don't get me wrong, there are books that I loved while I was reading them, but none of them have really stuck with me as something I need to read over and over again. I realized that's because they have high standards to look up to.

The Chronicles of Narnia.

I was very young when I first entered the magical land of Narnia. My dad had a habit of reading to me before we would go to bed - we would read chapter books, and take the time to read a chapter each night. We read the majority of the American Girl books, the whole Little House on the Prairie series, and The Hobbit. Then one day my dad pulled out a different book. One about four children and a wardrobe. I entered the magical world with Lucy and have never looked back since.

After that, it took me quite a while to realize that there were more books to the series. I always wondered at the cryptic ending of the series, "and that was only the beginning of their adventures in Narnia." I had no clue that there was more to the series - 7 books to be exact. But one day when I was poking around in the basement, I found the books. THE books. The books that, once I read them, added to the way I saw life, adventures, and my Savior. 

I was about six or seven at the time, and I devoured the books, then promptly passed them on to my grandmother. We both loved them. Two years later, the first Narnia movie came out. I. Was. Ecstatic. As a true and devoted Narnia fan, I went to the theater with high hopes, and was not disappointed. I remember walking out of the theater, feeling totally enthralled and still wrapped up in the magic of the movie. I imagined I was Lucy as I walked out of the theater and all through the day, even going so far as to make a wardrobe out of a giant cardboard box that we got with our new water heater. It was as tall as I was, and we made a little door in the back so that we could imagine walking into Narnia. That box holds many fond memories for me, and I remember dressing up in a plaid skirt and knee socks to add to the effect. My siblings had so much fun in that box. It was almost like a whole world of its own.

 All three of the movies have gotten my seal of approval, but the books will always, always have a special place in my heart. Because of Narnia, the love of Jesus and his excruciating yet beautiful sacrifice have become all the more clear to me. Because of Narnia and the writings of one amazing man named C.S. Lewis, I have been impacted forever. And because of Narnia, I have been inspired to write my own fantasy novels and live my own great adventure - the one called life.

This is literally a tunnel of books. I want one.


  1. Thanks for following me! And in response to your comment; no, I'm not a photographer. But my sister is, and she's taught me a lot about it. She also lets me use her professional equipment! Yup, I have a pretty awesome sis. :)

    Btw, I love Narnia too. It's so wonderfully written, so magical. And I agree, the analogies are beautiful.

  2. I agree, the Narnia books are some of the best out there.

    That book tunnel is so cool! I want one, too!

  3. That book tunnel is awesome!

    I've never really been a big fan of the Narnia books, I'm not sure why. Probably because I haven't read them since I was really little. I'm hoping to re-read them ;)

  4. A tunnel of books!
    I enlarged the picture and simply soaked in the amazingness of it all.


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