note to self: i’ll be there for you, always
written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
I definitely feel alive during those times, too!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove always,
~Lily
*Meditive silence* Mmm. Yes. I entirely agree about inspiration. I can't write anything worthwhile without it. It's as if writing without purpose is a physical impossibility for me. (Now I feel like pondering something. Ponderings below.)
ReplyDeleteDoes this in any way carry over into the rest of our lives? I can't stand doing something that I don't see a purpose for. I know this sounds far-fetched, but even when I do redonkulous things I do them for a purpose. (Fun and redonkulousness, if you must know.) But when I don't see a purpose I don't like to do things.
I have never experienced life without purpose because I have never fully experienced life without my Purpose (Christ.) But when I picture anything without a definite reason behind it; when I picture Life without a definite reason behind it, the imagery is dark and devastating. It's eye opening. Whoa. I would hate it. And suddenly I understand why some people can't bear to live; they can't survive with a blank and purposeless life bearing down on them. Who could?
I'm sorry if some of you don't understand that, but I'm not sorry I wrote it. It was inspired.
Hello Sky~
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment on my blog! I was looking at your profile, and we have a lot in common! Love your music choices~ :)
Have a wonderful day!
Lydia
I just saw on your 'about me' page that your name is Kylie~ not Sky... :)I was just going by what your profile said!
ReplyDelete~Lydia