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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Because You Asked... {and Day 20}

So, a couple of you commented on my last post and said you wanna hear me play guitar. *cough, cough* Samarah & Lily *cough cough*

I don't know why, but I obliged. ;)

(If you're reading this post in an email or blog reader, you'll probably have to visit my blog in order to see the video.)

The story behind this song is kind of strange. I had been upset about something - what on earth it was, I have no idea - but I was in my room, and I just picked up my guitar. I started playing random chords, and somehow they formed themselves into a song. I guess you could call it 'freestyling'. I had been recording on my mp3 player, but to this day I don't remember why. The first version I recorded was really, really rough. Because I was just playing to get the emotions out, a lot of the chords were messed up and buzzed. So I rerecorded it to sound better - but I still think it kept a lot of its feel. Hence the title 'In the Valley' - it was written when I was as far from the mountaintop as I could get. I hope that maybe it encourages you, if you're in the valley too. ♥ Remember, you're not alone in this fight. Jesus will walk with you.

I'd appreciate any comments you have! :)

A Hobby

Goodness gracious, there are so many! Writing, reading, Tweeting, playing guitar, listening to music...

I will not talk about the above subjects, though, since they're pretty obvious, and I feel like I'd just be repeating myself. So, I'll tell you something I've never told you before:

One of my hobbies is sitting on the couch in front of the television, watching movies or TV shows.

No joke.

Okay, I only do it about once a week, or in the evenings to watch Dr. Quinn. But I really like watching movies. It's getting to the point where I'm running out of movies to watch! :-/ I love momentarily being transported to another world, and a lot of times, movies inspire me about things I can write.

Movies I've watched & enjoyed lately...

1. Julie & Julia (I kind of liked this one.)
2. Penelope 
3. Did You Hear About the Morgans?

Can't say that all of these would be good family movies. I watched all three of them with just my mom and I. (Mom, I love our mom/daughter times together!) But they're all really great movies with positive messages. Anyway, I'll stop my movie rant now. I kind of feel lame that that's my only hobby. I do crochet and do productive things, in sporadic amounts. ;) What are your hobbies?

Funny story... last night, I was up till midnight, searching for one particular notebook for about an hour. I was so up tight about it, because I was super inspired to write and I couldn't. (I have a thing about keeping certain stories in their own notebooks.) Finally, I just went to bed without it. Tonight, I was upstairs in my room and found my notebook on my windowsill, soggy with condensation. Sheesh, who leaves their notebook on the window sill? Apparently I do...


  1. Wow! Your guitar playing is beautiful- I could listen to it all day!

  2. The guitar was amazing!!! That was so good!! I like Julie and Julia and Penelope too! I think I like Penelope more though :)

    Thanks for posting the song


  3. *claps*
    i love it!!! Everything about it is beautiful---from your playing to the story behind the song. LOVE IT! ;)


  4. Oh wow, that was beautiful! I loved it! <3 You always amaze me my friend. ; )

  5. You're included in a LOT of my hobbies, but not ONE of them ;)


    Love ya!

  6. My thoughts reflect what everyone else has already said. Such a beautiful song! I could listen to it for hours I think.

    Oh, and on a random note... you're watching Dr. Quinn?? Oh YES! My brother and I have been watching it the past few weeks, pretty much every day. I like the show--a LOT.

    ~ Tarissa


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