note to self: i’ll be there for you, always
written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
So true!
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you were an adorable kid!
Not that you aren't adorable now but... Oh dear, I just made this terribly awkward.
Good post!!! :*) (It's a blushing face :)
Oh my word, you were so cute. :P It was a great post, I was smiling the whole time. ;)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, I learned how to ride a bike really late, and when I finally did my younger brother, who didn't know how to ride a bike himself, had to teach me. Actually, now that I think about it. There are a lot of things I picked up late and now I'm not half bad at...
Great post! (especially considering that you were 10--I never had any thought provoking thoughts at that age...at least not any that I wrote down)
ReplyDeleteActually learning to ride a bike was a tearful, terrifying, and painful journey for me. My parents required that I learn though, and I must say that I can ride quite well now. ;)