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on the power of showing up

note: I wrote this post in April of 2019 (pre-COVID). It's been sitting in my drafts for quite a while, but I think it's time for it to see the light of day. It's been helpful for me to reread over the past few months, especially as I continue to try to make an effort to write, and I hope it can be helpful to you, too. i got an invite to a writers' group a few months ago, and i had never felt like more of a fraud in my life. it had been months, if not years, since i'd felt like a writer. the proverbial well of words in my heart had dried up, it seemed, and i wasn't sure if it was ever coming back. i agreed to go out of a sense of helplessness—i'd identified as a writer ever since i could remember. if i'm not a writer, who am i?  i told myself that it was important to show up and act like a writer even when i didn't feel like one, because even though i hadn't been writing, i reassured myself, i still was a writer. but sometimes the words f

A Skyline Faded Blue

It's extremely rare for me to find a song that sums up exactly how I'm feeling at any given moment. But if I did have one for today or even recently, this would have to be it.
Not much for conversation
I still find need to pray
Sometimes I get tired of walking
Through these ordinary days
If nothing else I get to see you
Even if we never speak
The harm of words though sometimes
We don't quite know
What they really mean

So let me lay down in this field
And stare up at the sky
I hope the days and clouds turn into something as they pass us by
And maybe you could settle for a skyline faded blue
I hope that you might settle for this love I have for You

I don't know where
I don't know how
I don't know why
But your love can make
These things better
Your love can make these things better
Your love can make these things better
Your love can make these things better
[These Ordinary Days, Jars of Clay]
This song has consistently remained one of my favorites, and like a lot of other songs, it represents a certain moment in my life. It represents the moments where I don't necessarily feel close to God, or worthy of him, but where I know he loves me all the same. It's the moments where I'm in the valley but I'm still holding onto hope. It reminds me of the days where the skies may seem gray but in reality, a skyline faded blue isn't far away. And through it all, His love can make these things better.

When I listen to this song, I picture Jesus and I lying on the grass, staring up at the sky. Simply being together. And sometimes I picture myself alone; dreaming of the day when we'll be together. Forever and ever.

I can't wait for that day. But for now, I'll continue to walk through these ordinary days, with my head up in the clouds, dreaming of the day when every moment will be eternity. I'm looking forward to it.

(The pictures aren't mine, but I made them look awesome. In other words... I found the pictures here, and I edited them. ;)


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