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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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Exhaustion.

Well, it's been one of those days. Playing with kids, babysitting, and going to important meetings. I am pretty much brain-dead, so please excuse this post's lack of content.

I wanted to ask you all to pray for my grandpa. He's going to have open-heart surgery tomorrow because he has 90% blockage in one artery. It's a good thing they caught it now, and I'm so glad they did. He's out of state, which is hard because I want to be with him, but he's in good hands - God's hands. And it's not over yet.

I called him on the phone, literally crying my eyes out, and he goes, "Why are you crying? I'm not dead yet! Don't throw flowers on my grave when I'm not dead yet!"
Things were better after that. It was so good to hear his voice.

God told me, "it's not over." Which is amazing because this is one of my absolute favorite songs.



I remember all those nights
Your voice would shake from
The tears you cried
What's the meaning of this life?
Guilt can bring you to your knees
You can't escape the memories
When shame is all you feel inside

Don't look back
(Don't look back)
Leave what's broken in
The past, take my hand
(Take my hand)
And understand

It's not over
The best is yet to come
For us
Come for us
Night has faded
A brand new day has come
For us
Come for us

A million miles from
Where we've been
Hope's a road that has no end
I pray to God that we would make it through
Forgiveness always finds a way
A loving love that fears no pain
Just take a look at me and you

Don't give up
(Don't give up)
We've only just begun
I believe
I believe
I believe

It's not over
The best is yet to come
For us
Come for us
Night has faded
A brand new day has come
For us
Come for us

It's not over
The best is yet to come
For us
Come for us

It's not over
The best is yet to come
For us
Come for us
Night has faded
A brand new day has come
For us
Come for us


It's not over.

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  1. iGirlJanuary 21, 2011 at 6:11 AM

    Hi Sky, I just started following your blog, I think it's really cool. I'll be praying for your grandfather, that must a scary situation to be in.

    iGirl

    ReplyDelete
  2. anna :)January 21, 2011 at 7:33 AM

    i LOVE that song!!! i'm sorry about your grandpa :( of course i'll pray!

    <3,
    anna :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. KatieJanuary 21, 2011 at 9:44 AM

    Praying, Kylie!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. BaileyJanuary 21, 2011 at 5:14 PM

    My dear sweet friend. You comforted me when I was going through a tough time and now it's my turn. I don't have anything to say that will ease the pain, but know that Jesus is with you and loves you enough to die. He will never leave you or forsake you.

    I know exactly how hard it is, but know that I'm praying for you and your family.

    Love & Hugs, NW sister,
    Noelle

    ReplyDelete

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