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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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Problems of the Two-Dimensional Variety

(The classic writer's face.)
Lately I've been having problems of the two-dimensional variety. Any writer would know what I'm talking about. They're called characters.


After NaNoWriMo, I couldn't figure out what I hated most about my novel, called Chandler and Paislee. The plot was amazing, at least I thought so. Even though it had taken a few detours, that could easily fixed and put back on track.

I didn't think the plot was too bad. I tried writing on a daily basis so I could get my free CreateSpace proof copy of my novel. But I was running into walls every time I sat down at my keyboard. And then it hit me.

The problem was my characters.

I thought I had them figured out, but somewhere along the line they surprised me. They surprised me in that I didn't know them as well as I thought I did. I had barely developed them before diving into the story, and in the long run, they ended up fake. Boring. Two-dimensional.

So, I have no idea what to do. Honestly, I have no interest in the story. I want to pitch it out the window and forget about it. For now. I do believe God gave me this plot, and it has potential to impact many lives. But I think this story needs some time to ripen and simmer in my mind until I have the maturity to handle the deep concepts this novel involves. I'll let God impress on my heart the need to write this story - when it's time. But for now, I'm not ready.

As far as my CreateSpace novel goes, I'm going to get it. Just not with Chandler & Paislee. I have a story (Reese's Pieces, for those who've read my writing projects page). I've been writing it since August, and it has made me smile, laugh, and cry. Compared to C&P, my characters are real. Three-dimensional. And the story means a lot to me. I'm currently at about 56k, and I'm reaching the end. And I'd love to have a real, honest-to-goodness copy of this book to hold my hands. A copy that's three-dimensional.

Just like some of my characters.
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  1. iGirlJanuary 28, 2011 at 5:40 AM

    Cool! Good luck with it Kylie!

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  2. WrenJanuary 30, 2011 at 6:33 PM

    Hey Sky!
    I just wanted to say good luck on your books, I'm sorry to hear that C&P didn't work out very well, for now. But, I am very excited to read the full copy of Reese's Pieces when it arrives!

    Love,
    ~Wren

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  3. iGirlJanuary 30, 2011 at 7:00 PM

    Oh, I know this is kind of random, but can I copy your What I'm Writing idea with word counts and stuff? I saw it and thought it was really cool. I'll say that it was your idea, I was just wondering if it was okay.

    Thanks,
    iGirl

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