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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

I'm... tired.

It's been a long day. My family was definitely under attack today. And I'm exhausted.

My chronic pain has been really bad this past week. I have something called TMJ which makes it hard to chew. So, I'm considering going on a diet of milkshakes and smoothies.

I didn't get much sleep last night due to nightmares about lions eating my head. No joke.

And I was really angry this evening because of everything. Everything was going wrong. Nothing was working out.

I know God is faithful. He's with me.

Now here's to a better day tomorrow! And three cheers for fragmented blog posts that make NO sense! :D


  1. Oh, poor Sam. :( I'll be praying for you, ok? **hugs**

  2. Ah, my dear sweet Sam girl. I'm sorry you're day was so filled with pain. Don't you just hate that? Psalm 103 has helped me a lot. Love you!

  3. Wow, ow! I hope you feel better, pain is not good!
    Have a better tomorrow :)

  4. I'll be praying for you, deary!! I know the feeling of having bad dreams. Last night I dreamed Aragorn was saying to Legolas "Legolas, what do your Elven eyes see?" and he saw Sauron's teeth. It replayed over....and over...and over...Oy. I need some tea.
    ANYWAY, you probably didn't need to hear shall be a better day!
    -Jocee <3

  5. I'm sure that you'll have a much MUCH better day tomorrow! :) I'll be praying for you.


  6. some of my followers aren't able to see my posts on their dashboard... i wrote this post to remedy the problem.

    :) thanks!


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