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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Awkwardly Awesome


Tearing up listening to Damian McGinty's voice.

Twisting your ankle in front of a lady you know and starting to cry.

Using the Wii to swordfight to help you blow off some steam and ending up hurting your arm because you do it so much.

Wanting to write a blog post but not being able to because Blogger won't load.

Realizing you've had the same pair of flip-flops for four or five years and still wear them.

Also realizing you've had the same pair of monkey pajama pants for four or five years and still wear them.

Copying other bloggers' posts.

Realizing that your sunglasses have been on top of your head for the whole afternoon.

Walking outside just so you can see the yellow ice cream truck, then running back inside because you don't want the ice cream man to see you.

Not knowing where the awkward/awesome meme originated. (Someone? Help?)

Having a guy hold the door open for you at Chipotle.


Damian McGinty's voice. And Keith Harkin's voice.

Having a Saturday afternoon completely to yourself.

Spending time with your grandma and mom for Mother's Day.

Getting unexpected phone calls.

Writing like there's no tomorrow... and like your brain doesn't exist.

Chipotle. 'Nuff said.

Playing the longest game of GoFish ever with your sister.

Making sets on Polyvore.

This Polyvore set that is very, very Avary-ish.

Owl City. Again, 'nuff said.

Having inspiration return.

Watching your sister name her caterpillars Tracy, Annabelle, and Toby.

Laughing your head off at Ice Age 3.

Going barefoot because it's finally warm enough.

Wearing those same flip-flops you got four or five years ago to Chipotle.

Having a guy hold the door open for you at Chipotle.


  1. First of all, I love your monkey pajama pants. They rock. Second, I like it when guys hold doors for gals. It proves that chivalry isn't totally dead.

    This post was awesome in itself.

  2. Awesome. :) I loved it.
    Owl City. AWESOME!
    Great post!!!!! :D

  3. Damian McGinty!!! *Gasp*....*faints*....Oh sorry, I've just been one of his biggest fan since I was 11:) He's so awesome...and cute!:D

    Love this post!

  4. epic post!!!! And hey, copying is great.....I DO IT ALL THE TIME!!!! besides, it's rather flattering. (:

    love ya,

  5. Yes, having a guy hold the door open for you is awesome. Well, if he's doing it with the right attitude. Attitude is everything.

    How in the world have you managed to keep the same pair of flip-flops this long? Mine only last a year, usually.

    I love reading your posts, so keep it up! <3

  6. *totally* awesome post!

    p.s. how DO you keep the same pair of flipflops so long? That in itself is awesome. Mine fall apart all the time!

  7. Hurrah for Chipotle and free Saturdays and super-old flip-flops (I have some of those...)!

    And, Damian McGinty's have to admit it's pretty dang awesome. ;)

  8. Hey girl! Where are you?

    Did the internet swallow you up! I miss you, post soon before I go crazy!!

    iGirl :)

  9. Goodness, I know all about hurting an arm while playing the Wii. It's happened a few times actually, but mostly occurs while playing tennis. Tennis! It's not violent or anything....

    And just so you know, you are not the only person in the world who still wears flip-flops that are 5 years old... or older. >secretly points towards my closet< But... you didn't hear this from me!


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