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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

My Fandoms

No matter how long you've been reading my blog, there is something you need to know.
I am an utterly devoted fan of many, many things.

I'm a True Narnian.
"Courage, dear heart."

This goes deeper than just a fandom, I think. It all started when my dad read the books to me. I was probably five or six, and the magic of the stories enthralled me from the very beginning. After that, there was no turning back. I love the books and the movies both equally and differently, and I am a huge admirer of Jack Lewis. He's one of the people that I CANNOT WAIT to meet in heaven, and one of my inspirations.
Aslan has always had a special place in my heart. He has shown me the meaning of true sacrifice; a vivid picture of grace; and the beauty of who Jesus really is. The Chronicles of Narnia have shown me that here, Aslan has another name, and I must learn to know him by it.
Actually, my blog title is from the Chronicles of Narnia - the Last Battle, to be exact.
"I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this. Bree-hee-hee! Come further up, come further in!" - Jewel the Unicorn in the Last Battle, chapter 15
This blog is about my life, as I go further up and further in, exploring my life and the life to come.

"I'm not being funny, but..."
I'm a Hoodie.

It's the new craze sweeping the nation - Robin Hood, the new TV show by BBC. The legend of olde is now back to captivate all audiences, no matter what their age!
Do you think I make a good narrarator? ;)
Okay, so, seriously... the BBC Robin Hood show rocks. That said, it bombed due to several changes the writers decided to make that should NOT have been made. Despite this, like it or not, I am still a fan.

It all started a year and a half or two years ago when my Pip got hooked on this new TV show called Robin Hood. She told me all about it, and I thought it looked like a great show. Nevertheless,for one reason or another, it was still took a couple months before I watched the first episode on July 27th, 2009 (I remember the date because that's when Pip & Ebee came to visit). Sadly, Ebee's computer shut down three-quarters of the way through, and we didn't get to watch the end. (Talk about a cliffhanger.)

Believe it or not, it wasn't until a year later that I finally got the urge to watch the first episode again. And after that, there was no going back. I was hooded... er, hooked. I got my brother into it as well, and together we spent the summer watching Seasons 1 & 2 (my personal favorites). Season 3 is something I prefer to block out of my memory, but 6 months and two fanfics later, I am still a Hoodie.

I enjoy the show because it satisfies my inner fantasy geek in bite-sized portions, yet is much longer and more interesting than a movie. Clear as mud? I thought so.

I'm a Hobbit.
If hobbits aren't real, then what am I?

Amin mela "Lord" en' i' "Rings".
Apparently, according to an internet translator, that's Elvish for "I love Lord of the Rings." And it's true.
I've always known about the Lord of the Rings movies, but I wasn't allowed to watch them for a long time. That is, until last year or so. My dad told my brother and I that if we read the books, he'd let us watch the movies.
The race was on.
It took us a while (I mean, come on, those books are huge!). I went through periods where I'd soak in the books and couldn't get enough of them... aaand periods where I didn't want to go anywhere near them at all. I still love those manuscripts and I'm thinking about reading them again. Every time we finished a book, we'd watch the movie.
We ended up getting to Return of the King at the same time, and that's when competition ensued. I remember clearly when my brother challenged me to a duel. I accepted, and for one Saturday all we did was read. We read as much as we possibly could, and then we got to the end. Well, my dad decided to read the last chapter aloud to the both of us, and we crossed the finish line together. ;)
I'm really glad I read the books before the movies. It made it totally worth it, and I probably wouldn't have ever read the books if I didn't have the movies as motivation.
My favorite characters are probably the hobbits - especially Samwise Gamgee. He's the one whom I'm most like in personality (and maybe height too), and in fact, many people call me Sam. My Pip nicknamed me that, and it just kind of stuck. She's most like Pippin of course. ;)
I also really like Aragorn. Someday I'll write an epic character like him...someday.

I'm a Trekkie.

Okay, so blame my Dad for this one. He was the one who played Star Trek: The Next Generation for me when I was but a wee lass. It wasn't until I got to be an older, more experienced Starfleet officer that I actually began to appreciate the aliens with strange heads.
All kidding aside, I do love this show - The Next Generation in particular. However, I still do love what I've heard about and the few episodes I've seen of The Original Series.
I just love how these shows explore the human condition, and how the characters, despite being futuristic, are not that much different than ourselves.
My favorite character is Data, followed up by Captain Picard and Dr. Crusher, and Will Riker, and Deanna Troi, oh, and Worf!
Okay, okay... I love them all. :P

I'm a Dekkie.

No, I'm not just naming random colors. I'm naming books. Ted Dekker books to be exact!
I read Black last year, and it was my first Dekker book I've ever read. I haven't read all his books, but I really love the way he incorporates fantasy and "adrenaline-laced plots" together to create one epic novel.
I'd probably say I like his Circle Trilogy best, and my favorite out of those would have to be Black or Red. The analogies in Red are beautifully heartbreaking. Thus, I cried.
I definitely liked the books Showdown, Sinner, & Saint, although not as much as The Circle Trilogy.
I also did get Chosen for Christmas, which I'm looking forward to reading again. Another book I really liked of his was Blink of an Eye, which probably is a close second to the Circle Trilogy.
I have both Pip AND my dad to thank for getting me hooked on Ted Dekker. ;) Now I find myself picking up on his writing style and using it in my novels sometimes.
Thanks, Ted Dekker. You are inspiring.

Finis... sorta. ;)


  1. I'm a Narnian, too, although i'm not any of the others :/

    I'm a...

    -well, narnian, like i said. :D
    -bayside student. saved by the bell? best show everrr.
    -hulkie. LOVE the incredible hulk.
    -bonanazer. bonanza = happy anna.
    -and then of course i'm a christy. christy miller series is awesome.

    anna :)

  2. Yeppers, I'm all of the above! But most definitely a Trekkie. Most definitely.

    I'm also a fan of classics. Just for your information. ;)

  3. Blown away by the sheer awesomeness of this post. Pretty awesome fandoms. <3

  4. I'll have to check out Robin Hood. Seems like a real interesting show. :)

  5. I found your blog through my sister, and though I'm not a Dekkie, Trekkie, or Hoodie (in part due to parental restrictions), I am a humongous Narnia lover, and your LOTR experience is almost EXACTLY what mine is like! *fangirl*


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