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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,


Sorry I haven’t written in a while; we’ve been pretty busy. I just wanted you to know I’m still here, but just really busy. On the day before yesterday, I tried to write, but I didn’t get finished right away. When I tried to copy it to a Microsoft Word so that I could finish it the next day…well, I accidentally deleted it! It seems I can never get a moment to write, since I’m being called right now…I’ll be back later!


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