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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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for the dreamers.

When I was little, I wanted to be an inventor.

I kept thinking of ways I could make things better, make things different. Change the world.

I used to think it was weird that I could find amusement in staring at anything and everything. Or that I pretended I was somewhere else. My imagination was on overdrive then. Still is.

I used to think it was strange that I felt hope and joy in the most ordinary things. Staring out my window for example. Pretending I was someone else, somewhere else. Dreaming about extraordinary in the midst of my daily life.

Lately, I've discovered I'm a dreamer. It's when I'm dreaming that I feel alive. It's when I'm dreaming that I feel like... me. I've been trying to "grow up" and stuff down my imagination, but God's been showing me that it's okay to be a dreamer. And really, maybe that wasn't as weird as I had once thought.

So this is for the dreamers. The ones who think they're alone. They're the ones with stardust in their eyes as they sit and look for beauty in everything. Those who think that reality is a lovely place, but they wouldn't want to live there.

This is for the ones who love. Who love deeply. Fully. Who believe that life is more than just what we can see. The ones who believe that there's a Man out there who loves perfectly. Completely. Truly.

This is for the artists. The whimsical, creative types. The ones who can't help but paint, whether it's with paintbrushes, canvases, or words. The ones who return full circle to find out that they are indeed dreamers, and lovers, and artists. All at the same time.

Life isn't perfect, but it can be wonderful. Thank you to the dreamers for making the world a better place.

This is for you. And for me. And for all of those who dream.

Even though you may feel it, you're not strange. There are thousands of others like you.

You're not alone.
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  1. CharityJanuary 2, 2012 at 2:03 PM

    I love this. So very much :)

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  2. Anna OliviaJanuary 2, 2012 at 2:13 PM

    "It's when I'm dreaming that I feel alive. It's when I'm dreaming that I feel like... me. I've been trying to "grow up" and stuff down my imagination, but God's been showing me that it's okay to be a dreamer."

    I love that. Extraordinary. =)

    ReplyDelete
  3. T.D.January 2, 2012 at 2:55 PM

    Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. emiiJanuary 2, 2012 at 4:54 PM

    oh sky this post is beautiful and thankyou. it makes me feel happy and blessed to live and be alive. dream dream dream.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The WallflowerJanuary 3, 2012 at 8:02 PM

    ::sigh:: that's beautiful luce, it's true, "reality is a lovely place.....but I wouldn't want to live there,"........

    ReplyDelete
  6. uncle joeJanuary 8, 2012 at 2:27 PM

    Something about the song Vanilla Twilight comes to mind with this post.

    And then to think. Where would this world be without the Jules Vernes, the Albert Einsteins, the Gandhis, the people who dared to dream. Martin Luther King Jr. The main man with a dream. What a miserable world this would be without dreams...

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