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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Beautiful People: Ryan

Oh, I wanna see you again

But I'm stuck in colder weather

Maybe tomorrow will be better

Can I call you then?

Cause I'm a ramblin' man

I ain't ever gonna change

I gotta gypsy soul to blame

And I was born for leavin' (born for leavin')

- Colder Weather, Zac Brown Band

1. If your character’s house burned down, and they were left with nothing but the clothes on their back, what would they do? Where would they go?
Ryan is in Avary's story, and... well, let's just say he's a bit of a loner. A gypsy. So, he rents out places and then quickly moves on a few months later. I'm not sure if having his house burn down would even phase him. Still, if it did, he'd probably rebound quickly and then find another place to live.

2. Are they happy with where they are in life, or would they like to move on?

*ahem* Excuse me.

Ryan is usually never satisfied. Well, he can be satisfied, but it usually doesn't last long. So the downside of his gypsy-ish personality is that he has a case of the wanderlust and definitely wants to move on. All. The. Stinking. Time.

3. Are they well-paid?
Ryan doesn't usually have a set job for very long. He's kind of like a hobo in the Great Depression days; he does whatever he can to make a buck. So, it really depends on the time, place, and job he has. Though I can say this, he has never been and probably never will be well-off. Usually, he has just enough to scrape by.

4. Can they read?
No, actually, he can't. At first I had put it down as a 'yes', but I think it would add an interesting twist to the plot if he couldn't read.

Beautiful People: Where you come up with dastardly deeds and interesting plot devices, all useful in torturing your characters.

5. What languages do they speak?
English. And sarcasm.

6. What is their biggest mistake?
Dropping out of school and leaving his family behind.

7. What did they play with most as a child?
A spinning top, along with a few toy cars. He would lay on his stomach, watching the top spin round and round on the floor. Also, he fashioned a bow and arrow out of sticks.

8. What are their thoughts on politics?
He's really apathetic, to be honest. Sad to say, I don't really think he cares. Politics bother him, no matter who's running for office, and he has more important things to worry about, like getting his next meal.

9. What is their expected life time?
Um... in a normal world, Ryan would live a happy life, settle down, raise a family, and die at a ripe old age.

This is not a normal world.

Due to several interesting occurrences (*cough*torturousplotdevices*cough*) he suddenly finds himself at risk of losing himself forever.

So, the answer to this question would be... nobody knows. In fact, his time on earth might be cut drastically short.

10. If they were falsely accused of murder, what would they do? How would they react?
He would take it with jaw clenched, all the while having anger bottled up inside. He'd do well to keep a hold on his emotions, so well, in fact, that he'd stuff them down into the deepest depths of his soul, never to be seen again. Speaking of never being seen again, that's exactly what Ryan would do. He'd take the accusations, and then he'd leave, running away to another place where no one knew him.

"I'm a runner, not a fighter." -Ryan

And I love you but I leave you
I don't want you but I need you
You know it's you who calls me back here

You've got a gypsy-soul to blame
And you were born for leavin'...

[Colder Weather]


  1. Haha, he sounds like an awesome character! I like the sound of him! Love the aspect of wanderlust and apathy - a wonderful combination. I know I'd certainly be intrigued to know what happened to him to make him turn out like that! And any character that speaks fluent sarcasm usually finds a special spot for me too xD

    And thanks for the comment on my blog too - It made me happy :)

  2. "English. And sarcasm." - HA! Ryan sounds like a very intriguing character. Definitely not the norm...and that's a good thing. :)

  3. Ryan certainly sounds like quite the fellow. A very intriguing one. Wandering characters are always fun. :)
    I'm very curious about his not being able to read. That alone makes him a very unique guy. It seems like that could be an interesting twist in any story. (Thoroughly enjoyed the BP aside, by the way.)

    Ah, Acelynn.... I think her story will be the Camp NaNo one, so at least they might get their way, right? :) It'll be my first try at scifi-dystopia, too, so we'll see how this goes....

  4. I just had a few question ideas for next month's Beautiful People, if you are interested. ;) I thought these kind of questions would be a good way of describing character's personalities:

    1. Is he or she very outgoing or very shy?
    2. What is his/her biggest fault or weakness?
    3. Does he/she believe in anything that most people think is impossible?
    4. What is his/her biggest dream?
    5. What song describes him/her best?
    6. Is he/she strong or the "damsel/knight in distress" sort? ;)
    7. Does he/she have a positive or negative outlook on life?
    8. Does he/she have a special place? (e.g. a corner in his/her bedroom, under a tree...)
    9. What occupation does he/she have, or plans on having?

  5. He sounds fantastic; I can't wait to officially 'meet' him!

  6. Oh, and I think Alyianna's questions sound fantastic!


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