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on the power of showing up

note: I wrote this post in April of 2019 (pre-COVID). It's been sitting in my drafts for quite a while, but I think it's time for it to see the light of day. It's been helpful for me to reread over the past few months, especially as I continue to try to make an effort to write, and I hope it can be helpful to you, too. i got an invite to a writers' group a few months ago, and i had never felt like more of a fraud in my life. it had been months, if not years, since i'd felt like a writer. the proverbial well of words in my heart had dried up, it seemed, and i wasn't sure if it was ever coming back. i agreed to go out of a sense of helplessness—i'd identified as a writer ever since i could remember. if i'm not a writer, who am i?  i told myself that it was important to show up and act like a writer even when i didn't feel like one, because even though i hadn't been writing, i reassured myself, i still was a writer. but sometimes the words f

who do you follow?

I want to be in the mountains right now. It's a place of solitude, of rest. I want to be in the quiet, away from just... life. Silence is truly a valued thing, I've learned, especially this week. There's been so much noise and chaos I can hardly feel myself think. Even right now, the sound of a vacuum reverberates in my ears. Sigh.

This has been a harder week. I feel like I've constantly been fighting spiritual battles. I'm getting worn down. In a way, it's interesting to be feeling like I'm in the midst of a battle, but the opposition feels so strong. Sometimes I feel like evil is pressing in on every side. I've found new meaning in the Psalms wrote about being surrounded. I've been trying to remember my spiritual armor (according to Ephesians 6), and that has helped, but I'm still trying to grasp the exact meaning of that. How do you put on spiritual armor? Is it an allegory or word picture? Or actual virtues that we can put into practice that shield us from evil? I'm not sure I really understand that concept... yet.

Tonight at church it became clear for me... what life and our walk with God are all about -- following Jesus. When Jesus called each of His disciples, He said, "Follow me." He didn't say, "Join the church," or "Do this, do that." He didn't even say, "Change your lifestyle." He said, "Follow me." He knew that once someone followed Him, Jesus would naturally become the focus of their lives. Their desires would fall into line with His, and thus reflect His heart. Our focus needs to be Jesus in order for everything else to be right. Christianity is not about figuring out what's right and wrong, it's about following Jesus and letting Him tweak our desires to fit into His plan. When He's our focus, everything else will fall into place. It's that simple.

So, tonight I became a Jesus Follower. I may have been one before, but this year, I'm determined to follow Him even more. I'm praying that He will be my one source, my leader, my guiding light... my King. I know He will be. This year, I want my focus to be Jesus... nothing else. I pray that He is yours too.

(Wow. That went in a totally different direction than I thought it would. It felt so awesome just to write, though. In a way, this blog has been very therapeutic. I know I already posted tonight, but that's bound to happen. I have too many thoughts spilling over. The beauty of journaling, and probably why I enjoy it so much is that there are no rules.)

Oh, one last note - I have my MRI on Monday. I've done one before so I'm not too worried, but maybe a little nervous. I would so appreciate your prayers!


  1. I'm so happy for you Sam! Thank you for reminding me that all I need to do is follow Him. He will take care of everything else.


  2. Wow, Skylee, this is great. I've been exploring this blog and I really like it. :-) Stay strong, girleen.

    Your Half-Pint


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