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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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prayer request ~ my headaches

I just got back from a doctor's appointment. A lot of you may not know this, but I've struggled with headaches for as long as I can remember. We've tried several things to try to get rid of my headaches, but they've never really gone away. Although they vary in intensity and duration, I get these headaches almost everyday and have neck/shoulder/back pain to go on top of it. I try not to let it slow me down, but it can get very frustrating... which is how I feel right now.

Because it's hard for me to find relief, we wanted to follow-up with my doctor to see what else we could do to get to the bottom of this. The appointment went well; he was very listening and just asked us to tell him everything we'd noticed about these headaches. Then we went from there, and he seemed to know what needed to happen next. It was helpful for me to know that he wants to get to the bottom of this too.

Basically, he wants me to try a medication to see if it helps my migraines, and I also have to get an MRI. I'm not too worried about the MRI, since I've done one before, but this time I have to have a dye injected into my veins so they can see my blood vessels better. I wonder if I'll change color? LOL.

Aside from that, I'm going to take some vitamins that are known to help with migraines/headaches. I think that the MRI will help my doctor know which way to go, so that's basically the next step in this process. I do feel better that we are moving closer to finding thecause, and hopefully the cure.

So, I'd like to turn this whole thing into a prayer request. I would appreciate your prayers that God would make it clear to us what we need to do, and that my headaches would go away or at least lessen. Most of all, pray that I would continue to feel His presence in all of this. Thanks so much - I love you all!
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