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on the power of showing up

note: I wrote this post in April of 2019 (pre-COVID). It's been sitting in my drafts for quite a while, but I think it's time for it to see the light of day. It's been helpful for me to reread over the past few months, especially as I continue to try to make an effort to write, and I hope it can be helpful to you, too. i got an invite to a writers' group a few months ago, and i had never felt like more of a fraud in my life. it had been months, if not years, since i'd felt like a writer. the proverbial well of words in my heart had dried up, it seemed, and i wasn't sure if it was ever coming back. i agreed to go out of a sense of helplessness—i'd identified as a writer ever since i could remember. if i'm not a writer, who am i?  i told myself that it was important to show up and act like a writer even when i didn't feel like one, because even though i hadn't been writing, i reassured myself, i still was a writer. but sometimes the words f

a mess

yes, i know i just posted. but i just...feel like writing right now. and for my sanity's sake, there will be no uppercase letters in this post if i can help it. enjoy the imperfection... i just need to write without thinking about the rules.

i've been having trouble being content lately. it's one of those weeks where my hormones are raging, and i really don't feel like being happy. i've been reading in my Bible about joy, and even wrote a devotional about it at beautiful in Christ. but it's been really hard for me to take to heart. i know joy isn't based on circumstances, but i'm trying to figure out how to make it otherwise (at least in my life).

living in the city has been really annoying for me lately, because i want to go out and have adventures. there's not much adventure to find in the city, obviously, unless you want to throw yourself into rush hour traffic (and then again, that's just stupid). also, i've been having trouble finding things to creatively photograph, and because i like creatively photographing things, that's been kind of frustrating. as silly as it sounds, i start feeling really down when i'm not able to be creative. i'm not sure what that's about, but it seems to fit my personality. *shrugs*

i had a good idea for my introduction speech, so i'm going to be working on that. then again, i've also been having issues with procrastination. like, serious procrastination. so, even though i came up with the idea last night, this is actually the first time i've thought about my introduction. *headesk*

i have to get going (sleep is awesome, i'm discovering), but i just have to leave you with this video that i love.




there now. wasn't that sweet? :D

love to you all! remember, His love is yours.

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