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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

There Was Another Time



I know that I've come a long way
My heart's headed in the right place
But sometimes your past's hard to face
But now I know you


I sailed through the high winds and waves
I wondered if I could be saved
But I have emerged unscathed
Because I know you


Before I knew you
Before I could see
That you could take all my troubles from me
Before I knew you
I was so incomplete


There was another time in my life
Before I knew you



Before I knew you
I was incomplete.

-- There Was Another Time In My Life by Relient K


{Happy Independence Day!}

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