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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Beautiful People: Fiona (June 2016)

Here we are again, back to Fiona Bartulli, one of my soul characters who is always at the back of my mind. Almost an exact year ago, I was featuring her in my BP post, and a couple of years ago, I finished Because We Can close to Fiona's birthday, June 6th, also known as... TODAY. I have a weird habit of celebrating Fiona's birthday, so I figured I'd keep the tradition going this year and answer our latest BP questions about Fiona's childhood, which is kind of a bittersweet childhood. Dun dun dun. Let's do this.

1. What is their first childhood memory?

She remembers a trip her family took to New England for Christmas when they stayed in a cabin. All that Fiona remembers is sitting with her parents in front of the roaring fire.

2. What were their best and worst childhood experiences?

The best: driving on road trips with her dad in his convertible with classic rock playing.
The worst: ice skating and taking a big fall, then being forced to continue ice skating as a sport even though she was scared of it and wanted to quit.

3. What was their childhood home like?

Her childhood home is the only place she lived, and her parents still live there. It's a small white house a five minute walk from a beach in New Jersey. There's a front porch with a swing, and Fiona's room is just as she left it--painted yellow, with an old, ratty pale yellow comforter and childhood/tween posters covering the walls. It's a major trip to the past and nostalgia when she goes back to her house.

4. What’s something that scared them as child?

The dark and the monsters under the bed. She's still not totally convinced monsters don't exist. Actually, she knows for a fact they do--they just are completely different than she expected.

5. Who did they look up to most?

Her dad. She was always closest to him, and she still is. He is her constant.

6. Favourite and least favourite childhood foods?

Favorite: mac and cheese.
Least favorite: brocolli or anything green.

7. If they had their childhood again, would they change anything?

Yes. Though it's impossible to change people, Fiona would want to change her mom and make her mom less perfectionistic. However, after Fiona goes through some things, she'd instead want to go back and try to make her relationship with her mom better.

8. What kind of child were they? Curious? Wild? Quiet? Devious?

Quiet, yet sassy when she felt like it. She was very introverted, but she had a temper. (Oh, wait, she still does.)

9. What was their relationship to their parents and siblings like?

As we've already touched on a little, Fiona had a really good relationship with her dad. Her mom? Not so much. Her mom had high expectations, which grated on Fiona's nerves, and they both have very strong opinions and are pretty stubborn. This made for an awkward and tense combination, and Fiona and her mom's relationship is still strained because of it. (Also, Fiona has no siblings as of right now.)

10. What did they want to be when they grew up, and what did they actually become?

When she was younger, she wanted to be a violinist who played solely for the pleasure of it. Much to her dismay, she did become a violinist, under circumstances she wasn't fond of, to say the least. Dreams do come true, but sometimes they turn out to be nightmares. (Ooh, that was accidentally profound.)

Did you do Beautiful People? If not, join in here!


  1. THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL. And also congrats on finishing Because We Can!! *cheers for you* And als I think it's wonderfully awesome that you celebrate Fiona's birthday. I can't even remember if I've ever written a character's birthday, hahaah. Ahem. BUT AH THE PICTURES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND AESTHETICALLY PLEASING. And I love that she's a violinist. We need more books with violins. <3

    1. Thank you so much! She's one of my only characters with a birthday that I actually remember, lol! YES. More violin books for the win!

  2. GAH! This was beautiful, Sky. Just beautiful. Also, LOVED the pictures - worked so well with what you were saying. :)

  3. Aahw beautiful post! :D Loved the use of the pictures! :D

  4. Replies
    1. Oh, I'm so glad! That's a huge compliment. Thank you so much!

  5. I love that she plays violin. It was my favourite instrument as a child though I've never learnt to play. I still would like to try one day. Ice skating Ooohh.

    1. The violin was my favorite instrument too as a kid! Like you, I never learned to play, so I live vicariously through my characters now. ;) I'd like to see about learning someday too! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

  6. I love how beautiful your posts are... and I totally took artistic inspiration liberties in my post. :D Love your accidentally profound observation--makes me curious about the story!

    1. Ahaha, feel free to borrow some inspiration, I'm totally willing to share. ;) Thanks so much! I hope someday it'll get published and you'll get to read it. :D Thanks for stopping by!

  7. Ooo Fiona sounds very cool! And that quote was very profound. ;) I have family up in New Jersey near the beach. ^ ^ Best wishes writing her!

    My BP:

  8. Before I comment on this linkup I simply have to get something off my chest. My birthday is also June 6th, I want to learn to play the violin, and I painted my room yellow. Uh. @.@ So now I'm dreadfully nervous that I may have some odd connection to this character. *laughs*
    Anyway, I enjoyed r

  9. ...I'm sorry. I hit send by mistake and never finished. Anyway, I enjoyed reading about Fiona and I think she sounds both relatable and real. Keep writing!


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