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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

A Novel Idea: Evee & Hal (Alternately Titled, Ed Sheeran Has Slain My Feels)

I've been on a Def Leppard kick lately. Pour Some Sugar On Me has irrevocably become my character Hal's favorite song. I also made a playlist of his favorite songs on 8tracks. (I'm not sorry.) On this playlist is Photograph by Def Leppard, which I put on there only for the rockin' intro. I decided to actually listen to it though, and while that didn't lead to any heartbreaking story revelations, something else did.

When I searched for "Photograph" on Spotify, Photograph by Ed Sheeran came up as a search result as well. Being the Ed Sheeran fan I am, I queued that up to play right after my two (loud) Def Leppard songs. When I listened to it, I shamelessly had Hal and Evee in mind, because I had planned to do them for A Novel Idea. (They're going to be a romantic thing, I think.) And that song stopped me cold.

With Ed Sheeran's crooning voice and soft guitar strings, he could make you feel anything. And that he did. Though I've become more grumpy in my old age, beneath all of the outward sarcasm there is still a hopeless romantic who makes Evee and Hal as Sims and gives them children named Juniper and Lionel. And this hopeless romantic heard this Ed Sheeran song and positively melted. 

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes 
But it's the only thing that I know 
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes 
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive 

We keep this love in a photograph 
We made these memories for ourselves 
Where our eyes are never closing 
Hearts are never broken 
And time's forever frozen still

I haven't felt this kind of heartrending pain when it comes to a romantic pairing in my novels in quite a long time. As much as it hurts, I've missed it.

Why I am such a huge fan of Hal and Evee together? ... I really don't know. It just sort of happened. They're so drastically different that I feel like the sparks naturally fly. They start out as clashing with each other, only to complement each other perfectly in the very end. They do need each other, in different ways. They calm each other's fears, and having each other makes their personal issues just a little bit easier to handle. (Those are my favorite kinds of ships, to be honest.) As to how they get together due to being so different? I HAVE NO CLUE. We shall see how it all unfolds.

So! To bring this long, romantic ramble to a (sort of) close, I'm featuring Evee and Hal for A Novel Idea this week. And so, I could do nothing until I had expressed how much I positively ship these two.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way (mostly), A Novel Idea is a weekly blog meme by Ashley @ Ashley Aspires. Every week, she posts questions about your work in progress, your characters, and yourself as a writer. It's a great exercise and it gets my writing juices flowing every week. You can check out this week's version by going here.

And voila! We shall begin. 

So you can keep me 
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans 
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet 
You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home


1. If their house was on fire, what are three things they would grab?
His computer, his iPod, and his flash drives.

2. What is one talent they would like to have?

3. If they could change one thing about themselves what would it be and why? 
He'd probably want to make himself less cynical, but he's torn between not liking his hard edges and loving them because they keep people out.

4. What living person do they most admire?
Stephen Hawking. (Despite the fact that this is probably set in the distant-future. Whoops. I have no idea what's going on, really.)

You can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul


1. If their house was on fire, what are three things they would grab? 
Her Peter Pan book, her messenger bag (which has most of her possessions and jewelry in it), and she'd make sure the girls she takes care of were safe.

2. What is one talent they would like to have?
Painting, drawing, or just making art in general. I don't know if she's a very artsy person, but she'd love to be. She loves color and beauty and life. 

3. If they could change one thing about themselves what would it be and why? 
She'd make herself less insecure. 

4. What living person do they most admire?
As cliche as she knows it sounds, she's a huge fan of the girls she's taken care of, most of whom are younger than her. She admires their resilience in the face of adversity, and they've taught her a lot.

Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it's the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier,
Remember that with every piece of you
And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

... Wait for me to come home


Seriously, what are you waiting for? Go check out A Novel Idea!

A Novel Idea

What OTP is breaking your heart this week?

(OTP stands for one true pairing. It's Tumblr-speak for romantic pairing. "Feels" is from Tumblr also--it's an abbreviated form of "feelings." Tumblr is basically a giant whole other world, as evidenced by the fact that it has its own language.)


  1. This is awesome! I love it when you find that perfect song for the characters and it just breaks your heart because it says everything, even while being ambiguous.

    I love your characters! They always seem so full of life. Evee sounds awesome. :)

    My OTP is probably Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy! They are so perfect together. I mean, were. *sobs* Does that actually count as an OTP?

    (Thanks for defining OTP. . . I've been seeing it everywhere and I could tell what it was about, but what did it stand for? My mind couldn't come with any sensible matches. Maybe I need to wander Tumblr. . .)


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