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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

strawberry avalanche, please crash over me

a spark soaring down through the pouring rain,
restoring life to to the lifehouse

May's here! April was a long, busy month, so I'm excited for things to calm down and return to normal again.

I ate strawberries today, which remind me just how close summer is. I'm also breaking more and more into the summer clothing, including the long maxi skirt I wore practically all summer. (Seriously, best fashion choice I ever made.)

I've also been writing a bit more than usual (aka, the usual being none). I was referred to myWriteClub, which allows you to set writing goals and have a wordcount (or page count, or whatever) bar, just like during NaNo except for the rest of the year! Seriously, I highly recommend it. If you sign up, add me! I'm mountainfireflower.

In other news, I listened to Beautiful Times this morning after not listening to it for a few weeks and I have to

say Owl City is absolutely en pointe. I downloaded it a couple of weeks ago and ever since I've been in love. My friend wondered aloud to me how on earth he manages to perfectly sum up emotions. I have no idea, but I'm in full support of it, and I'd like it to continue as long as possible. Amazing, truly. (Also, I'm loving Hall of Fame by Glee Cast. It's been in my head all day. The Glee Cast for sure does beautiful, amazing covers.)

I also started the TV show LOST. (Yeah, I know, I know, I'm behind on the times.) Can I just say wow??? Four episodes in and I'm loving it. The characterization is amazing--A+. It's still trying to get on its feet and it's a fledgling show in many ways, but I find myself wondering how on earth the show can only be in its first season and still be this spot-on. Seriously? I love it. (I don't really get into Jack yet. Kate isn't my favorite, but I am intrigued by where her plotline is going. To be honest though, I care most about the side characters, like Claire, Boone, Shannon, Sawyer... CHARLIE. AND SAYID. DEAR SAYID. They're all great. But seriously? What is this giant monster thing? And why is my brother in season 2 already and he still doesn't know what it is?! Also what will happen when they run out of clothes? And food? Will this involve them building a jungle apartment complex? I CAN DREAM.)

Speaking of that, it would make my life if they lived in the forest like Robin Hood did. Living in the forest has always been my jam. Forests, actually, have just always been my thing. Give me the woods and the trees and the mountain air. I especially love forests with creeks or some sort of water in them. One time I visited a lake with a little stream. One of the most peaceful things I've ever experienced. I even used it as my bio photo for a while. (Ehehe. Old blog posts. Erghhhhh.)

I've been racking my brain trying to think of something profound to end this post with, but... eh. I'll just leave you with this scene that my friends and I were laughing over last night. Finding Nemo is the best, am I right? My friends say I'm Gill. I'm inclined to agree. (I also identify with Ron Swanson, the sole reason I started watching Parks and Rec, and one of my favorite characters to ever character. He never fails to make me laugh.)

we all suffer 
but we recover 
just to discover life where we all are 

-beautiful times, owl city ft. lindsey stirling
(i know, right? how can so much 
awesomeness exist in one song?)

p.s. - #stillnotoverbuckybarnes


  1. Okay, this whole Bucky Barnes thing is KILLING ME. I WANT TO KNOW. *flails in frustration* I didn't get to the cinema while it was showing and now I HAVE TO WAIT. And there's all these Bucky stuff going around and, baaaaah. *stews in impatience* On another topic, fabulous post. ;) I'm happy your getting summer, but still slightly bitter because it means I'm losing it. x)

  2. Hey, Sky, just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the Liebster Award over at :) Just so's you know.

  3. First of all, HI!!! I'm so enjoying seeing you posting over here again. I've missed your posts and more importantly YOU. You're always an inspiration and your posts are just fabulous. ^_^

    Secondly, BUCKYYYY!!!!!! D': ALL THE FEELS.

    And thirdly and most importantly... ADAM YOUNG DID A SONG WITH LINDSEY STIRLING WUT?? Am I reading that right???? Owl City is, obviously, my favoritest music EVER. And I LOOOOVE Lindsey Stirling. Did they seriously do a song together? SERIOUSLY FOR REAL? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS. I MUST GO FIND THIS THING. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. I've been looking for something like myWriteclub, so I checked it out. Very cool!

    I haven't heard Beautiful Times yet, but I love those lyrics at the bottom of your post. So poetic.

    Oh dear. Is it possible to get over Bucky Barnes???

  5. I love LOST! I finished the whole series in something like...3 months and a bit. I love Sayid too! haha, I won't give anything away, though, because some of my favorite characters have yet to be introduced on the show from where you're at.


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