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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Beautiful People - Bailey & Sawyer

A quick note before I start: Occasionally, when time allows, I try to comment back on my own blog and personally respond to each of you. I've replied to each the comments on my posts about Flynn and Aragorn, respectively, so if you happened to comment on either of those, do go check it out.

And now for our regular scheduled programming.


Despite their insane amount of lovability, these characters have given me a ton of trouble. They're not really that much more troublesome than Avary and Ryan now that I think about that, but these two have taken their own sweet time in introducing themselves to me. Their own sweet long time.

But now I finally think I've gotten a handle of who they are. Mostly. So, I'm pleased to finally introduce you to them.

Bailey and Sawyer. No last name (yet). They're siblings, so don't let them fool you otherwise, even though they look nothing alike. They are the remaining two principal characters in my novel Souvenirs of a Life Untold. Along with Ryan and Avary, they have to save the world. Sound interesting? Cliche at best? Yeah, it gets a bit better than that, but it's a secret. Muahaha.

So, this is my second post for Beautiful People this month. (First one was here.) You may have noticed that this month's round of BP is late. Not to worry, it's coming soon, once real life stops getting in the way. In the meantime, enjoy.

I still haven't found an accurate representation of Sawyer. But Josh Hutcherson wearing glasses is pretty close.

1. Do they believe in anything that most people think is impossible?

Both Sawyer and Bailey have been raised by a scientist, so they’ve been raised to think logically. As such, logic often takes priority in comparison to imagination, unfortunately.

They’ve both been dreamers in some way, however. Bailey is an artist, which is where she’s fueled her imagination for as long as she can remember. It was sort of her coping mechanism in a world where logic is first.

Sawyer was a boy with dreams. He wanted to fly. Because of this, he became a scientist like his father. The only problem with this is that he’s lost his ability to dream. No, he hasn’t lost it completely. It’s still there. It just needs to be found among the solemnity and mathematical equations.

They are logical. Calculated. But don’t let them fool you. Deep down, both of them want to believe.

2. Are they strong, or the "damsel/knight in distress" sort?

Along with the logic, their father raised them to think for themselves and draw upon their inner strength. This is a problem, however, because often they can be too independent. Bailey has suffered the most from this, because behind her tough exterior she just wants to be loved… and saved. She would never show it, though.

Sawyer is a bit different because his strength tends to be genuine. He knows what he wants, where he’s going, and it’s not fake (most of the time). Still, as most of us well know, independence can be a good character trait, but it can also be a flaw. And like the evil author that I am, I look forward to exploring this flaw of his. *evil laughter*

3. Do they have a special place? (e.g. a corner in his/her bedroom, under a tree...)

Bailey’s is her studio. Filled with canvasses on the walls and even on the floor (if she’s running out of space), it’s her safe haven. Tarps cover the floor, speckled with paints of all colors. She retreats there more often than not. If you need to find Bailey, look in her studio.

Sawyer is similar. He has a studio as well, except it would be more fitting to refer to it as his laboratory. It’s a corner of his dad’s lab, where he pores over scientifical stuff 99.9% of the time. In comparison to the vivid colors of Bailey’s studio, Sawyer’s is pretty boring. I can see bits and pieces of this in my head. A desk covered with sheafs of paper which are scribbled upon in pencil. The desk glows, like every good sci-fi desk should do. There are models of various things, whether it’s a plastic model of an atom or a body part. Overall, it’s a very nerdy atmosphere to live in, and Sawyer the Nerd fits right in. It’s also been a huge part in shaping who he is today. (Nerd and all.)

4. What occupation do they have, or plan on having?

Bailey: Professional artist, hands down. She couldn’t dream of anything else.
Sawyer: Scientist. As I’m sure you’ve guessed already.

5. Describe their current place of residence.

Sawyer’s automatic response to this was, “Home.” Plain and simple.

Still, I think you want to know more, eh? *sigh* I suppose I have to tell you then. The things I do for my blog readers. (Totally joking there; I love you guys.)

Bailey, Sawyer, and their father, Dr. Flanigan, live in a giant laboratory on a star whose identity is currently uncertain. (Translation: I’m still trying to think of a name.) It’s huge. Dr. Flanigan uses his lab to study the stars and everything related to astronomy. It doubles as their home as well, with bedrooms on a separate wing.

The main room of the lab is where Dr. Flanigan does much of his scientifical-stuffz. A corner of it belongs to Sawyer, of course. It’s mainly stark white, with a lot of bright lights and the occasional dim hallway or two that branches off from it. There’s also a time warp bubble in the center of the room. Oh yeah. You’re really curious about that last one, aren’t you?

6. Explain their last crisis. How had they changed when they came out of it?

Well, remember that one time when green aliens invaded their home and made everyone eat Lucky Charms 24/7? That was pretty traumatic.

I’m kidding. I have no idea. I’ll think on it, k?

7. If they could drive any kind of car they wanted, what would it be?

Bailey would drive a red convertible with a black roof.

Sawyer? A Jeep. Totally. A green one. I don’t know why, that’s just what he wants.

8. How do they deal with change?

Bailey deals with it in a very calculated, cold manner. However, on the inside, she wants to scream and throw a total fit about it. Sometimes she does.

Sawyer rolls with the punches pretty well, oddly enough. Not sure why he’s able to be such a good sport about it, but he is. I love that kid.

9. If they had to amputate one body part, which one would they choose?

Bailey would never, ever, ever amputate her hands. She needs them to paint and do all the wonderful artsy stuff that she can’t live without. If it came down to it, she’d probably choose a foot. It would do a minimal amount of damage compared to amputating her leg, and she could easily paint from a wheelchair. However, she wouldn’t be able to paint with her feet by walking all over the canvas like she sometimes does when she’s bored, but it’s a minimal loss in comparison to losing a hand.

Sawyer thinks he could live without his left hand, but he couldn’t. In reality, it would be an immense frustration for him not to be able to do experiments and the like. So, in lieu of that, I’m going to say a foot as well. I hate to be a copycat since Bailey already chose that one, but Sawyer really can’t lose a hand, as much as he thinks he can.

10. What would their favorite be at the local coffee shop?

Bailey loves green tea, or caramel Frappuccino with tons of whipped cream.

Sawyer? He really doesn’t care. At all. He’ll get anything that’s got caffeine in it, even if it tastes like stale pancakes or something equally horrid.

And here are the extra 5:

1. How did they meet?

They met when Sawyer was three and Bailey was two. For circumstances yet to be determined, Bailey was adopted, and Sawyer and she became friends at a very young age. To this day they are very close, though their relationship has been tainted a bit as it ages, as all relationships are.

2. How do these two deal with conflict?

Bailey goes and hides in her room and cries if it’s at all possible. She doesn’t want anyone to see she’s upset, but occasionally she’ll yell.

Sawyer will also occasionally yell. Thus, their conflicts have the possibility of getting quite heated. It may be a loud argument, and it may not. It just depends. As Sawyer would tell you, the chances are about 50/50 each way. He’s done the calculations himself.

3. Do they have a special song, phrase, item, or place?

Whenever they visited town, the two of them would sit together on the curb at the ice cream shop and eat ice cream. Sawyer would get chocolate ice cream, double scooped. Bailey, strawberry and vanilla. Those were the good old days. They should go back again as teenagers, for old times’ sake, don’t you think?

4. What kind of things do they like to do together?

Play Scrabble. (Or whatever the fantasy/sci-fi equivalent is.) Sawyer and Bailey are both a beast at word games, being geniuses and all that. They also like to go on long walks together. Other than that, they like to hang out and talk. And other than that, they have a pretty boring life.

5. Describe their relationship as a whole in 3 words or less.

Turbulent, but constant.


  1. Haha, I like these characters of yours! They sound like fun - I'd never compute "imaginative" with "scientist" but it seems like you have a nice mix there. Also, Sawyer sounds adorable! Be warned, I may try and hug him xD

  2. I imagine Scrabble would have gone 3-D so that you could build words vertically - just a thought.

    I like the sound of these pople - but how do you live on a star? And if you're in space station how doyou go for long walks? (Sorry I'm a logical scientist with an imaginative side, soemtimes the scientist wins the conversations....)

    :} Cathryn


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