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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Beautiful People: Ryan {Round Two}

I wasn't sure who to do for Beautiful People this month. I'm plotting for Avary's story, and there are plenty of characters I need to discover more about, including Avary herself. So I was reluctant to do Ryan again. However, Ryan's been pulling at me to discover more about him, and the idea of him just won't ever go away.

So, my characters won again. Ryan is quite pleased about this, as you can see.

1. If your character could be played by any actor, who would it be?
Liam Hemsworth. This is a strange choice, considering the only full-length movie I've seen him in is The Last Song, a movie that I easily forgot. (However, this will change when The Hunger Games comes out.) I actually decided on Liam when I saw the music video for Colder Weather. I'd already been looking for Ryan's face, and then the two ideas collided to make... well, Ryan.

2. Does your character have a specific theme song?
Colder Weather by Zac Brown Band. The lyrics seemed particularly suited to be made into a character. I already had the character of Ryan in mind but he was extremely bland. He needed more depth, so I decided to make him into a gypsy, inspired by the lyrics of the song. Thanks to Pip for introducing me to this song.

(Interesting tidbit: Ryan originally was named Brian McGuire, a subject of another BP post. Brian and Violet are now... nonexistent.)

3. What’s their worst childhood memory?
The day his father left. And the day that Ryan himself left home as well. He'll never forgive himself for leaving his family behind, and yet he can't bring himself to go back.

4. If your character had a superpower, what would it be?
Hmm... this is a hard question. Judging by his penchant for wandering and travelling, I think teleportation would be a good fit. Either that or flying. However, neither of those quite fit his personality, which is very strong, but I can't think of anything that would.

5. If your character crashed on an island with a bunch of other people, how would your character help the group survive?
He'd be reluctant, but eventually his instincts would kick in and he'd become the leader, organizing and delegating in the best way possible for their survival. He doesn't like it, but it's in his blood to be a born leader.

6. Are they married? If not, do they someday wish to be?
He's rather divided on this. He wants to have someone to love and cherish. However, actually settling down is the one thing holding him back from any sort of committed relationship, whether it's a romantic one or not.

7. What is a cause they would die for?
He would die if he knew that it was for the good of those he loves. Contrary to popular belief, Ryan does love, and he loves deeply. He's just reluctant to show it.

8. Would they rather die fighting valiantly, or quietly at home?
Fighting valiantly, I think. He does face death in his novel, and while on the surface it doesn't seem valiant, it really truly is. Ryan longs for adventure, and something bigger.

9. If someone walked up to them and told them they were the child of the prophecy, would they believe them?
Probably not right away. Something akin to this does happen in the novel, actually, just not quite the way you might expect. If you tell him something surprising, he'll believe it eventually, but it'll take a while. First, he tries to brush it off, and if he does start to believe it might be possible, he does so with quite a bit of skepticism.

10. Do they prefer the country or the city?
Depends on the day, or wherever his wandering mood takes him. The country calls to him with its peaceful woods and calm atmosphere. However, the cities are where he can find work. Both of them have their benefits.

You've got a gypsy soul to blame, and you were born for leaving. }

- a song lyric from Colder Weather that pretty much sums up Ryan's entire existence.


  1. Usually good ol' Liam Hemsworth has a Australian accent. So that's cool.

    1. I actually had no idea that Liam Hemsworth had an Australian accent until now. That's what I get for only watching The Last Song and not bothering to research him. :P I looked up an interview after getting this comment and I agree. The accent makes him pretty awesome.

  2. Ryan just sounds cooler and cooler with every post you do about him - I'm glad he demanded more of your attention!

    1. Aw, thanks! It's good to know that I'm not the only one who thinks he's awesome. ;) Who knows, maybe he'll end up in Beautiful People next month as well, if he has his way! Ryan says thank you, by the way. ;)

  3. Replies
    1. Bwahahaha. *rubs hands together evilly* You'll never know. (Actually, at this point, I don't either. :P)

  4. Ooh. He sounds very deep and complex (and I quite like characters like that). I look forward to reading more about him, and his novel.

    Thanks for this round of BP! The questions are grand. :D

    1. I love characters like that too, except writing this one shall prove to be a challenge. I feel like I know him pretty well, but usually that changes for me when I actually start writing my characters into narrative form. They always manage to surprise me!

      No problem -- glad you enjoyed them! :)


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