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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,...
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Sparks of Life


One thing that never ceases to baffle me is the process of writing. I know, I know... I've been writing for years now, so I should be accustomed to it, right?

Wrong.

I don't think a writer ever gets used to writing. And if they do, it must be a very boring experience.

I'm of the opinion that I want every one of my novels to be different than the first (unless of course, it's a sequel). This is a recently acquired opinion of mine, to be completely honest, but nevertheless, I believe it. I don't want my writing to get stagnant by reusing the same plots. I want the characters to be different, with different dreams, goals, and ideas. And most of the time, I get my wish.

I'm sure all writers feel the same way.

However, my characters have since taken this matter into their own hands. They enjoy torturing me with their unique personalities. Even though I want each story to be different, this story has become a quilt of all my different stories that never went far. All these ideas and characters have formed together into one cohesive story.

Isn't it amazing how one idea can spark something so much more? It's amazing how our characters somehow graduate from being words on a page to being someone real; someone living and breathing. Or, almost alive.

Ironically, I'm writing this during week three of NaNo. I'm 36,000 words in, and admittedly, my characters are seeming rather stagnant. But I have to go back to step one, when my characters were sparks of life. Those sparks will become a flame, fueling my words and my story.

One word of advice for writers: Choose your characters wisely. After all, you'll be spending thousands of words with them, and it's always good when you don't mind them... too much. Sure, you will mind them sometimes. They may even turn into two-dimensional problems. Yes, they will annoy you... but so will writing. It's not for the faint of heart, people.

Tell me about your sparks of life. Do they inspire you, frustrate you, or baffle you? How do they manage to surprise you, even after all this time?
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