note to self: i’ll be there for you, always
written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
Hmmm. My characters start out very real for me, but after a while they start fading from my memory and I can't seem to make them work. That's why so many of my grand projects get left on a shelf to collect dust.
ReplyDeleteI love writing, but sometimes it gets on my last nerve. For Nano I'm sort of doing what you've done -- I've gathered elements from all of my abandoned projects and combined them to make a new story. It has really helped me keep going because there is really very little room for writer's block to sneak in.
Very insightful post! Have a lovely day :)