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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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remember to breathe

Hello, WriMos (aka, those who are undertaking the NaNoWriMo adventure). How did your first day go?

Mine started out awfully. I hadn't slept well at all last night due to excitement and a bit of anxious anticipation. When I woke up, I began doubting my decision to ever undertake NaNo, and thus became very anxious - even more than I was when I woke up. I started my novel anyway, but it felt a bit lackadaisical, and my poor prologue suffered.

I took a break from writing to do school, chores, and live life. During this time I prayed. Hard. I still got the same sense: I am supposed to do NaNo. It's good for me. I need to write and abandon my inner editor. Or better yet, shove my inner editor into a closet. Either one.

God basically reminded me that if he told me to do this, He'll give me the strength to follow through. I need to remember why I write in the first place. Remember that this is for fun. And best of all, remember to breathe.

Guys, we can do this. Just remember to take some time off. Try to forget about your novel for at least a little while. Spend some time with your family. Watch a movie. Play a video game. Read a book.

And best of all, remember to breathe.


Letters from the NaNo home front: After my initial breakdown, I started chapter one. Getting into my main character Riah's perspective really helped the story flow, and I'm ending the day with 5,000 words, though it took me a while to get there - I've been writing all day! :P What's your current wordcount?
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  1. iGirlNovember 2, 2011 at 5:23 AM

    Ooh! That's really good, just think, you're a 10th of the way through in ONE DAY!!!

    I hit the 3000 word mark yesterday. :)

    P.S. What's your NaNo username so we can buddy each other? If you want, that is.

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  2. J.C. (Chy)November 2, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    Cheers for the 5,000!
    This year the prologue for mine isn't going as quickly as the last two did, but it's staying with the word count for the most part. Read the excerpt you have on the NaNo site, by the way, and loved it.

    Happy NaNoing!

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  3. Hannah Rose BeasleyNovember 2, 2011 at 6:57 PM

    Wow for 5,000 words!!! Pretty impressive!

    My day went way, way better than I thought it would - much better than it did last year. =D I think last year I just barely got to 16,667 words, but this time I did over 2,000. I'm at 4,280 now!

    (Love that - "remember to breathe." Haha great advice! =D)

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  4. TarissaNovember 3, 2011 at 1:41 PM

    I can't believe you made it to 5000 in the first day. Good work! Even though I'm not doing Nano myself, I still like reading all about it on my friends' blogs! At least I will be making quite a bit of progress in my writing this much.. just not striving for the 50k goal. GOOD LUCK!
    Blessings,
    ~ Tarissa
    { In the Bookcase }

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