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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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almost there, and i can't wait

I'm starting to feel the anticipation more than ever for NaNoWriMo. It's going to start tonight, at midnight, and I'm excited. The jury is still out over whether I'll stay up till midnight or wake up early to write. [I'm not sure which method of losing sleep would work better.] Regardless, I can't wait to start.

I've outlined all the way up to chapter 26, and after that I only have a vague idea about what happens.

Crazy, eh? Yeah, I get that a lot.

I can't wait for...

...the chats with friends.
...the writing, of course.
...delving into the plot of my fantasy novel.
...getting to eat, breathe, and sleep my novel for the next 30 days.
...absolute insanity.

Oh, and by the way, after this, my posts may not be as coherent as usual. My brain juices will be focused on NaNo, and I'm embracing the crazy. I'm embracing the challenge... and the adventure. In other words...

I can't wait.

What are you looking forward to about NaNo? [Or if you're not doing NaNo, what are you looking forward to about November?]
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  1. ElisabethOctober 31, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    Whee! Only about two more hours until the fun begins!

    Can't wait :]

    Elisabeth (somethingsolidoutofair.blogspot.com)

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  2. Marissa October 31, 2011 at 9:27 PM

    Okay so I had really no idea what this whole thing was about. But I looked it up(finally, I'm not sure why I waited so long! haha ;) and it looks like so much awesomeness! I'm excited FOR YOU my friend :)

    much love♥

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  3. Georgianna PennOctober 31, 2011 at 9:49 PM

    Yay! It's gonna be awesome! I'll be staying up, but then again, you already knew that. I always find it harder to wake up then to go to sleep. Yeah, I know, I'm a night owl. ;)

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