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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

A Shower of Starlight {a poem}

So, yes... I am in a very poetic mood. I pondered this poem all day yesterday and finally wrote it down last night. It was partly inspired by C.S. Lewis's The Last Battle.


In a shower of starlight
We'll say goodbye
To all our pain
Let our tears dry
In a shower of starlight
We'll fall to our knees
Overwhelmed and speechless
He's opened our eyes

In a shower of starlight
We'll dance unashamedly
In the rain
Embrace that we're free
In a shower of starlight
He'll pull us into His embrace
Hold us close
Wipe the tears from our face

In a shower of starlight
We'll sing our last song
Vibrant and bold, yet longing
For things to come
In a shower of starlight
Our voices are one
With His, in a chorus
That's hardly begun

In a shower of starlight
We'll meet our first love
At long last reunited
With the one we sing of
In a shower of starlight
We'll weep tears of joy
Finally with forever
Time cannot stop us now

In a shower of starlight
We'll bid farewell
To this reality we've created
So much for this shell
In a shower of starlight
We'll say hello
To promise of all things new
Something none of us know

In a shower of starlight
We'll watch it all end
This last word of the final chapter
Of the world of men
In a shower of starlight
We'll witness the demise
Tinged with bittersweet
In Christ there are no goodbyes

In a shower of starlight
Beauty will fall
Into its Creator
Following His call
In a shower of starlight
This world will fall
Away for all time
We have followed His call

In a shower of starlight
This earth's light is dimming
Making way for a new one
A beautiful story
That's just now beginning
After a shower of starlight
We'll step into the unknown
The place we were meant to be
We are finally home


“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now...Come further up, come further in!” - Jewel the Unicorn in The Last Battle


This Is Home - Switchfoot
This is home,
Now I'm finally where I belong,
Where I belong
This is home,
I've been searching for a place of my own,
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home, yeah this is home...

And now
After all my searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I've got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I'm gonna call it home...

I've come too far
And I won't go back
Yeah, this is home.


He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon."
      Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen. - Revelation 22:20-21


  1. That's beautiful. And I love "This is Home" by Switchfoot. It was my favorite song for a long time.



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