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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Mediocrity...

I have a question...

Is it possible to have life be completely insane, and yet feel like everything is the same as before, boring and lifeless?

Just wondering...

Maybe it's just burnout. Wouldn't surprise me. Going and going doesn't work so well. Unless you're the Energizer bunny. Which, you all know - I'm so far from being the Energizer bunny. Haha....

I need to write something worth reading, but what? All ideas are fleeting. Inspiration has run away and locked itself in a closet, yet my desire to write remains. What should I write? Suggestions would be most welcome. I feel pretty dry... like I'm stranded in the middle of a desert with no water. I'm sure you can agree that pretty much stinks. It's stinky. It's more than stinky. It's a dumpster. [Random!]

At least this is just a season. At least...I think it is. May is busy! Oy...when will things calm down?! I'm so tired! :P

My rant is over. We will now return to regularly-scheduled programming.

[Okay....this song is completely cute. I just had to say that.]

Comments

  1. I think this is eternity - to know that no matter how much we do, how much time is spent doing what, there is still an unseen force that determines how much life is truly lived.

    I sound like an old dead philosopher.

    I love you.

    ReplyDelete

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