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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

November 2014: Recap

In many ways, this November wasn't quite what I expected. I'm not even sure what exactly to say about it--it's been quite the whirlwind.

The biggest thing that happened to me was saying goodbye to someone very close to me--a kiddo from our daycare that we babysat since he was 6 weeks old. He moved out of state on the 26th. It's incredibly difficult, but I know he's going to be so happy where he's moving to. I'm grateful we were able to have him in our lives. That said, goodbyes are never easy.

The highlight of my November was our mini-vacation. Over Thursday and Friday, for Thanksgiving, we took a trip to my aunt and uncle's house two hours away to spend time with family. We spent the night at a hotel and on Thanksgiving Day, my mom and I took a walk to a lake. I had an awesome time, and it was so nice to get away. I came home extremely refreshed and inspired. Writers need breaks like this every now and then. (But today I'm resenting that I have to get back to real work after vacation. Humph.)

If I had to pick a theme for November, it would be: new roads. (I wrote about New Horizons once, actually, which also fits.) One of the biggest things that happened to me was starting a new blog, which you'll read about later. But I also started a just-for-fun novel and got to know my novel for NaNoWriMo, both of which hold so much potential. Overall, I have a lot of things to be excited about and look forward to. Even though it's been a year full of loss, I do believe in happy endings--no matter how long they take to get here.

my new road

On the Blog

The majority of my writing time this month was spent on NaNoWriMo, and it showed due to lack of blog post. I did manage to post on the blog 8 times, however. I wrote about the beginning of NaNo, and how to figure your character's physical appearance. Cait and I posted round 2 of Beautiful Books, which was a smashing success. I answered the Beautiful Books questions for my own novel, which was incredibly fun--you can read that here. I killed a man in fiction and wrote about it. I did A Novel Idea twice, first here and then here. Then I posted about The Fangirl Initiative & Great Gatsby.

Other Blog-Related Writing 

Speaking of The Fangirl Initiative, that was a major project for me this November. I started it as a stress-outlet and it quickly exploded into a full-fledged blog with weekly columnists, seven days a week. I'm in awe. You can view it here. All of our weekly columns start this week! Thanks to those of you who offered to help!

On The Fangirl Initiative, I wrote the introductory post, as well as posts about The Great Gatsby, Tony Stark, and the new Star Wars movie. We also had R. Wiersema and Mirriam Neal start their columns! There are more to come this week.

On the Grafted blog, I wrote a post about the simple beauty of grace. I also helped put together Issue 4, which premieres tomorrow, December 1st! In it I'll have a piece about how my year went, and there's tons of other great content I'm super excited about. Check it out tomorrow by going to


As you probably already know, I participated in NaNoWriMo this month. I finished NaNo today at 2:42 pm, with a total of 50,048 words. The story isn't done yet, but I'm slowly bringing the novel to a close. I slid into a total of 50k with a first kiss, bribery, threats, and overall cuteness. It's been a fun ride. 

Due to stress over my NaNo novel, I started a random just-for-fun project about a bunch of kids starting their first year of college. I haven't written much yet, but it's really fun and I'm looking forward to see where it takes me.

Obviously, I wrote a total of 50,048 words this November, give or take.

I'm still trying to collect my thoughts about my NaNo novel--expect another blog post or two about that. In the meantime, just know it was one of the hardest yet most rewarding NaNos I've ever done. (And weird, due to the fact that I ended up writing a full paragraph in my sleep.) I've made a ton of new characters and come up with another novel series. While I'm not as excited as past years, my excitement is still tangible and I'm very, very satisfied.


This music playlist is one of the most extensive ones I've ever done for my monthly playlists to date. Most of my playlists have had 4 or 5 songs. This has 23. And you'd better believe it kept me sane this November, amidst goodbyes and heartache and writing up a major storm. It's been amazing, November playlist. You'll forever live in infamy. I love you.

On Instagram

first collage: random snapshots from the first half of november.
second collage: second half of november & our thanksgiving trip.
view the captions here.


My sister and I finished Once Upon a Time season 1, and are 2 episodes away from finishing episode 2. My TV watching suffered because of NaNo as well, so I halfheartedly tried to catch up on Agents of Shield and not much else. (My brother and I did start watching Modern Family though, which is hilarious, and we continued watching The Middle.) Other than that, my TV intake has been lacking. It's been pretty pitiful. But that's what December and January are for, right?

Other Entertainment

Over our two-day Thanksgiving vacation, I read The Help. It was incredible. I didn't want it to stop. Once I closed the book, I had all the classic symptoms of book withdrawal. What do I do with my life?

We also watched the movie "Life as We Know It" the other day. Josh Duhamel is awesome.

In Conclusion

November wasn't easy, I'm sure of that. But I'm excited to see what December and January hold. 2015 will bring a fresh start, and like I said, there are tons of new roads waiting for me.

Bring it on, December. I'm (sort of, not really, kind of) ready for you.


  1. Love that playlist. Thanks for sharing it!

  2. The Help movie is SO GOOD too. Have you seen it? HAVE YOU. *begging eyes* it's really good. lol I'll stop! I'll stop!
    Congrats on finishing NaNo! :)) I'm glad you've got a just-for-fun project going too. I'm plotting like 3 books atm, and have zero time to even write them...I'm so sad. But next year. NEXT YEAR! It'll be full of writing...and tv shows. I really must start Agents of Shield. ;-)


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