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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

truth is, i am metalmouth

I got braces (finally) on September 21st,and since then it's been two weeks full of major transition. Case in point:

  • I wish they made soft chips. True, it would defeat the purpose of having chips to crunch, but at least us poor braces-folk would have the ability to enjoy the flavor of chips without risking a bracket emergency.
  • An upper arch isn't fun, and a lot harder than I thought it would be. Especially when you get food stuck up there. Which happens often. Too often.
  • I look better with braces than I thought I would.
  • My orthodontist and the hygienists are the nicest people ever.
  • Despite being paid less, the ortho-hygienists do most of the work. It's nice to talk to them while they do. I even have a favorite now. (Hi, Megan!)
  • People with braces should have some kind of superhero status among the rest of the world. I have solved this problem by assuming my new superhero idenity: Metalmouth. Nice to meet you, folks.
  • Having a bunch of metal in your mouth isn't very cool. I wonder if I'll set off metal detectors at the airport now.
  • It's harder than you think, having braces (hence the whole superhero point I made above). You have to brush your teeth after every meal (something that I forgot to do today...oops) and you can't eat certain foods. Oh, joy.
  • But in the end, it will be worth it. My teeth are already much straighter now and I'm happy with this fact.
And on another completely different note, I'm pretty pleased with myself because I majorly worked on my room today. Cleaning, reorganizing, overhauling my bookshelves... see, I have a lot of books. And these books were eating my desk and my floor. And the thing with me is, I'm not a neat freak but eventually things drive me crazy.

This was the day where I finally snapped and said "OHMYGOSHIHAVETOCLEANTHISNOW."

So yeah. I cleaned off my bookshelves, reorganized them in order of which I liked best, moved some books downstairs, moved some books from my floor to my bookshelf, majorly diminished the pile of books on the floor, and realized just how many books I have. Oh, and I also drew with a Sharpie on my wall, finally writing over some quotes I had pencilled on my wall about a year ago. It's the little things in life.

P.S. - I reached my 6-year-anniversary of blogging yesterday. Yeah, I'm ancient. 
Thanks, guys, for making my blogging experience so awesome.


  1. Happy Blogging Birthday! Six?! That's unbelievable! :)

    Pity I couldn't think of something cool to call my sister when she had braces... When I was little she always called me Toothless One every time I lost a tooth. Or Gappy. :) Good luck with your braces! :)

    1. Thanks! Yeah, I can hardly believe it myself. O_o

      Ahaha. That's great. I especially like Toothless One. Or Toothless for short. ;)

      Thanks so much! I do need all the good luck I can get, I think. ;)

  2. I am the sister mentioned above (thanks a lot mime!) and yes, braces are painful and awful and totally worth it in the end. I ate a lot of icecream the first day. ;) Hay, if the orthodontist says "eat icecream", I'm not going to knock it.

    Happy 6th blogging birthday!! Awesome milestone.

    1. Ahaha. Yeah. They are awful but the ice cream is a plus. (Actually, I can't eat ice cream right now because I can't have much sugar. :( Much weeping and wailing ensued. But I have been eating a lot of yogurt and oatmeal and hot cereal and that diet, as weird as it sounds, is actually quite fantastic.) But yes, if your orthodontist says eat ice cream, DOOO IIIT.

      Thank you so much!

  3. Happy 6 years! You are now at the granny status in the blogosphere. ^.^

    Ya could soak chips in water, and then they wouldn't be crunchy....
    Oh gross Ashley. How did I even think of that?! Nasty nasty nasty.

    1. What'd you say, young'un? Speak up, I can't hear ye!

      Ahhh, actually, it's not that gross at all because I had the very same thought myself.

      You're awesome. :D Thanks for commenting!

  4. I have braces too! And that list of foods you can't eat is really pretty superfluous. I don't even know what's on it. I eat everything anyway! Of course, the glue really really likes my teeth (I'm actually dreading getting them off) so if the glue doesn't like your teeth, you might have to be careful, but you *can* eat the popcorn and caramel and chips and rock candy. (carefully, with the rock candy)

    Where are the mints?

    1. Oooh, don't say that... I'll be more even tempted to cheat! Nah, just kidding. ;) I really do appreciate the feedback, thanks so much!

      Confession time: I've actually eaten some chips. I just can't resist. xD It went well--no broken brackets. Yet.

      The mints are over there, by the door. Help yourself!

  5. Congratulations on six years! That's quite the blogging milestone. :)

    Good luck with braces! Hopefully they'll be as painless as possible for you!

    Bookshelves are such wondrous things, though I don't think I'll ever have enough to hold all of the books I have. Someone needs to make an infinite bookshelf or something of the sort.

    Do you have your NaNo idea yet?

    Ah, yes, they are from Once Upon A Time. (The characters are Jefferson and August.) I'm mildly obsessed with the show :)

    Thanks for stopping by!

    1. Thanks! I do believe you've followed me for most of it. Thanks so much for sticking with me, it means a lot!

      Thanks! I hope so, too. :)

      YES. Infinite bookshelves for the win. I definitely need one of those.

      Ahahaha. Sort of. I'm tossing around ideas in my head. I've got two ideas I could use, the only problem is picking it. What about you?

      Ah, okay! That's what I thought. Awesome! It looks pretty cool; I love looking at pictures of the way they've interpreted the fairy tale characters. :) The pictures of Belle I've seen are my favorite, they're really spot on with her. But everyone else is great too.

      You're welcome! And thank you!

    2. Welcome :)

      I'm pretty sure I have my idea, but it refuses to be outlined, though the characters have been surprisingly well-behaved, so far. (It's a rewrite of my failed Camp NaNo about pirates, from last year.)

      Belle is a great character on the show. What they've done with her story has been a fun twist.

  6. Bloggy birthday SIX!? Wow! I haven't even hit two yet!
    And everything you said on the metalmouth front was the story of my life until last year. I even had the pre-emptory headgear before getting the braces on, but seriously, everything you said there . . . me too.

    It does work out. I love my new smile so much. It was worth a couple of broken brackets and crunchy appled deprivation :)

    1. Yeah. It's crazy. O_o I was so young when I started blogging, it amazes me. O_o

      Ah, really? That's so cool (that you can relate, not that you had braces, haha). Ugh, headgear? Blah. I don't have to have that, for now at least, a fact I am very glad of.

      Ahhh, good to know, good to know. I am much encouraged now. ;)

  7. Ah I remember my metal mouth days. For me that began in 5th Grade, I was probably the youngest person to get braces, ever (okay it just felt that way). No wonder I refused to wear my glasses at school. *sigh*

    Kids can just be so mean.

    Though strange enough to hear it, a coworker told me that her daughter, who had perfectly straight teeth, asked for braces once because all of her firends were getting them *mind boggle*

    A word to the wise - when it's all over be religious about you're retainer, or those teeth will recrooked themselves. thankfully it was only my bottom teeth, so it's not too noticable with me. At least my horrible overbite is gone. :}

    1. Ugh, that is young to have them. *sigh* I'm sorry you had to go through that. Kids can definitely be mean. :-/

      Ha, yes, I used to really want braces. Until I actually needed them. :P However, I still do like them, actually. In a weird sort of way.

      Ah, yes! Thank you, I will try to wear my retainer. Here's hoping I don't absolutely hate it.

  8. :) I was a metal mouth for 5 years. :/ A couple of tips: 1. you can eat cotton candy, it's basically the only candy you can have, but at least you can eat it! Oh.. and chocolate... :) And jelly beans are ok to eat, just suck the hard coating off, they you can chew. :)
    2. Don't ever hold a refrigerator magnet, or anything magnetic in your teeth, it'll stick to your teeth, could be cool, or awkward. :)

    1. Ooh, that is a long time. :-/ Yep! I have eaten chocolate, and while it's hard to chew, I can eat it. (Thank goodness.)

      Hahaha! *cough* I mean, right. I won't wear a magnet in my mouth. Good advice. ;) Thanks!

  9. Hey! Congrats on achieving the status of Metalmouth! ~ The first few days that I had braces... it was horrific. Oh, I still remember the terrifying pain! But, I got over that, and the general emotion I carry now about having braces was actually of fun. (I was actually *sad* when they were removed. I mean, who does that?)

    I hope you enjoy your time of wearing braces!


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