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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

dreams don’t turn to dust

Splash down in the silver screen 
Into a deep dramatic scene 
I swim through the theater 
Or maybe I'm just a dreamer 
Like a kite in the bright midday 
Wonder stole my breath away 
Shy sonata for Mercury 
The stars always sing so pretty

One day early in March I added an item to my bucket list.

Go to an Owl City concert.

Later that day I found an email in my inbox that was truly full of magic. This missive in my inbox told me that Owl City would be coming to Denver on July 15th, 2012.

I was able to go. I went with my friend Tess, and most of my family. My dad was there (who is also an Owl City fan) and my sister and mom were too (who were reluctant attendees but became Owl City fans by the end of the show).

It's still so surreal. I saw Owl City live. I came, I saw, I conquered.

It moved me, Bob.

My dear friend Tess | The illustrious Bluebird theater | Owl City's luggage! *squee*

It took us so much effort to get there. Between car mishaps, the long, hot, sticky, harried trip to Denver, and the long walk to Bluebird theater, I was exhausted. On top of that, they nearly confiscated my water bottle at the front door (not good when it's over 90 degrees and you have some health issues). By the time I got inside, I collapsed into a folding chair as the opening act was in progress. The music was so loud. The lights were so bright. Tears welled up in my eyes. I was so tired. I didn't think it would be worth it.

But then the opening chords began. And the lights came up. And Adam came onto the stage. I forgot my pain, I forgot my tears. It was beautiful.

I didn't think dreams could come true until that night. Everything about it defies description. I don't even know what to say.

He sang The Real World, Deer in the Headlights, Plant Life. He sang Cave In and Tip of the Iceberg, which I was not expecting, but loved. He sang Gold—and let me tell you, he sang the "go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ld" part amazingly in person. He also sang Meteor Shower which was incredibly beautiful to hear sung live. I teared up. You could really feel the beauty of the moment, and feel the honor and worship Adam was giving to Jesus. There are few times that I have felt as close to God as I did then.

And then he sang Angels. Oh my gosh. There is absolutely nothing like screaming WAKE ME IF YOU'RE OUT THERE at the top of your lungs. That was quite possibly my favorite part. It was amazing and... breathtaking. Literally.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest...

Adam himself was... amazing. I had worried beforehand that he wouldn't be as good live. Boy, was I blown away. He's just as good in person, and even better. I literally could not believe that he was in the flesh. I couldn't believe I was there. At some parts of the concert I just closed my eyes and listened, pretending that I was listening to the CD at home. It sounded just like it. It was that good.

About halfway through the concert, he sat down at the piano and sang Plant Life. I loved seeing him play the piano, and Tess really loves Plant Life, so that was definitely a highlight. It's also the only song in which I took a lot of pictures, since I had a moment to breathe. The rest of the time? I was screaming my head off and dancing and drinking in the wonder.

The lights were truly stunning, and definitely made the concert a beautiful experience. I will never forget it.

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home...
photo credit: my dad.

One word to describe the night? Magic.

It was pure magic.

This picnic will soon depart 
Real life, I'm sad to see you go 
I'll miss you with all my heart 
But I'd rather be alone
 'Cause I couldn't live without 
Sunsets that dazzle in the dusk 
So I'll drag the anchor up 
And rest assured, 'cause dreams don't turn to dust

Dreams dont turn to dust.


  1. Ah! My heart is so happy that you got to experience that sweet friend! Concerts are certainly something very very special.

    <3 <3

    1. Ah! My heart is happy that your heart is happy! Just picture me thumbs-upping your comment like on Facebook, k?

      Time Lord hearts. KABOOM. ♥♥

  2. Oh how wonderful! You lucky girl you!

    (On the side, do you realize how whimsical each and every post of yours is? ^.^)

    1. Oh... oh my. That is one of the nicest things I've ever been told. I've been glowing with happiness all morning. Thank you so much!

  3. Awww, how lovely! Glad you had a good time - makes me want to go to a live concert more than ever!

    My arc-reactor is bouncing up and down my chest happily for you :)

    1. Thank you! Yes, do go, if you haven't been to a live concert already. They're amazing, no matter who the performer is. It's like being a part of something bigger than yourself, and there's a unique feeling to concerts that is all its own. Can't describe it exactly, but it's wonderful.

      Arc-reactor. XDDDD Ahhhh. That made my day.


    Glad you had a good time! I just love him... :D <3

    1. Ahhh yes! Thanks! *high-fives you* Nice to meet another Owl City fan. You have great taste! ;)

  5. Awesome! That's definitely one thing on my bucket list I have yet to accomplish. My sister saw him last year and told me it was AMAZING. And I've been waiting for a long time to go. So glad you got to go and experience it. And for sharing with us. :D

    1. Jaguar! Thanks so much for following my blog. I just wanted to say, I got your comments on my earlier Owl City posts, and they made my day. Your enthusiasm is infectious and it was so awesome to hear from you, thank you!

      I do hope you can go someday, too. It's really something. <3

      Also, it's wonderful to meet an Owl City fan, because Owl City fans are awesome. Like you. Just sayin'.

  6. That. Is. Awesome!!! I LOVE OC!!
    That must have been SO way cool!
    & The green VWB? Ahhhhh, SO COOL! I saw one just like it recently in Maine and thought it was awesome.
    I love your blog btw! I'm homeschooled too! :D
    God Bless,

    1. I know! It was awesome. And the green van? Oh my goodness, one of my favorites. It's absolutely my favorite, dream car. Love those large eccentric buses. :D

      Thank you so much! Yep, homeschooling rocks, doesn't it?! Nice to meet you, dear!

  7. ...Wow. I honestly think I would have just dropped dead from happiness right there. To actually see Adam Young/Owl City live...that WOULD be magical.

    It's absolutely fantastic you got to go! I'm so happy you had such a magical time.

    The beautiful way you wrote your post made me almost feel as if I was there myself while reading. Simply spectacular!

    1. Lauriloth! *hugs* I did drop dead but I quickly recovered. It was just too amazing.

      Aw, thank you! That is exactly what I was meaning to do; transport my friends there to the concert with me. And several people have told me that it did, so I guess my job here is done. Thank you so much! That means a lot to me, and it's a huge compliment.

  8. My goodness, that sounds /beautiful/. I'm suddenly wishing I'd spent fifty dollars on tickets when he came by here...

    1. Good to see you, Lostariel!

      It was. Ah, don't regret it too much--you did what you could with what you had at the moment. But if he is ever back where you are... well, I'd say it's most definitely worth the money. :)

  9. I wasn't going to comment because I didn't read the whole post and I don't really know or especially enjoy what I've heard of Owl City, but that "it moved me, Bob" was brilliant. Veggietales forever!

    1. Ha, thanks! I wondered if anyone would get that joke. I'm glad you did. Veggie Tales rocks, doesn't it? I especially love that line.

      If you don't like Owl City now, well... you'd best beware. I tend to convert people over to my fandoms unintentionally. :P


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