Skip to main content


note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Character Letters: Elleri Cay Bastion

I stumbled across a new character development tool for writers, and the idea intrigued me. Started by Rosamund Gregory, the goal of this new monthly blog event is to focus on first person character development. As she says, "it's very good to be able to get inside one's characters' minds in order to understand them. Even if you're writing in third person, you learn new things about your friends that you would never have known otherwise." This new prospect is titled Character Letters, and the description is pretty much what it sounds like: Write a letter from the perspective of your character.

For this round, I've decided to use Elleri Cay Bastion, the main character in my Camp NaNoWriMo novel, Corruption. As I've mentioned before in her Beautiful People post, Elleri lives in a refuge for superheroes. It's got a long, complicated history, but in short, it was founded by Heath and Elleri's mom, Catie. Unfortunately, Catie died, which profoundly affected all of those who knew her. Elleri's fellow students are Theo and Ayden, and you'll get to know them a bit more in this letter. (I've been pondering the idea of putting a post together introducing my entire cast. Would you like that?)

Elleri wrote this letter in her sketchbook, on a plain piece of tan paper. Her handwriting is simple and straightforward. She's more of an artist than a writer, and doesn't believe much in her writing abilities. But she is an artist, so she can use artistic and poetic metaphors to get the point across when she feels the need.

One of the prompts to choose from this month is yesterday's events. I didn't stick to that idea as much as I could have, but I felt like a little introduction was necessary to help you understand Elleri. Enjoy.

 Dear Mom,

I miss you. I guess I should get that out of the way before I say anything else.

It's just the same old routine since you left. Not much has changed by way of our schooling and everyday life. Emotionally, we're all different, but our life has carried on, whether we wanted it to or not. And of course, Zane has left, but other than that, it's just me, Theo, Ayden, and Heath.

Heath misses you. I know he does. It's not the same without you. To be honest, if he had to pick between the death of you and the death of me, I think he'd pick me. It's understandable, of course. He loved you, you know.

Ayden, Theo, and I are continuing our studies. We're pretty much the Three Musketeers. Heath keeps to himself most of the time. There's still a huge hole where you left. You were so patient. I miss your smile, your sweet kindness. It's not only Heath that has suffered from your loss. We all have.

Yesterday the three of us went out into "the real world" for the first time in a long while. Heath was reluctant to let us go. It's getting harder to hide our powers. You know that. I guess I have it the easiest out of all of them. All I have to do is slap on a pair of sunglasses. Ayden, though... man. How on earth does he hide the flames that burst from his fingertips? He's learned how to hide it well. We all have.

Our trip out into the open air yesterday was for once motivated for fun rather than necessity. I brought my sketchbook. It's autumn now. The leaves are crimson. You used to love this time of year. It was nice to just walk leisurely through the park. We don't do that nearly often enough. For once I felt at least halfway normal. Almost. I had a taste of fun for the first time in what feels like forever.

Ayden met up with some teens who were playing street basketball, so while he was doing that, Theo and I sat on a bench under the shade and talked a lot. You were right, Mom. He is brilliant. He's the only friend I have, and he knows me so very well. He's the only one who really gets me, now that you're gone.

Towards the end of the day, the sun was dipping below the horizon, and we came upon the fountain in the middle of the square. I don't know why, but somehow we all ended up splashing in it. We all came home soaking wet. It was marvelous. We flung water at each other's faces and created quite a scene. It's a wonder we weren't discovered, since my sunglasses fell off several times. I don't know what we were thinking. But it was fun.

You died almost four years ago now. We'll never be the same. I will say that it's a little easier to bear. We've created a new normal for ourselves. I'm almost used to you being gone. And even admitting that hurts.

I love you.

--- Elleri


  1. Ooooooh, this is great! And I would love it if you did a post on your NaNo novel! =D

    And by the way, I'm Emily. You can find me at :)

    1. Thank you! I shall have to oblige then; the cast of Corruption are eager to meet you all. Perhaps too eager.

      Pleasure to meet you, Emily! :) Thanks so much for stopping by & leaving a comment!

  2. Ohhhh...this is soooo sad...I almost wept...and I don't even care for superheroes!

    Thanks for joining in!

    1. Oh, thank you! Ironically, I felt that the emotion fell a little flat in this piece, so I'm glad to hear that it evoked the proper emotion. Thank you so much!

  3. How fascinating. Elleri sounds so sweet and philosophical here ... I bet that's disguising some kickassness in there somewhere. Great post!

    1. Ahahaha, yeah. Elleri's sweet, but she's got some spunk as well. ;) I'm amazed and very pleased that you picked up on that! I was hoping her personality would translate well onto paper.

      I'm noticing more and more that those types of characters are my absolute favorite, especially since I've got a fair bit of spunk as well. Thus, how could I write Elleri and not give her at least a teensy bit of spunk? 'Twould be an outrage.

      Thanks so much!

  4. What an intriguing idea. I might have to try it, though some will resit more than others. *grins*

    I too would love to see a post introducing your characters. :}

    1. Thank you! I'll have to put a post together introducing them; they'd love to have their faces plastered all over the blogosphere. My characters can be a rather vain lot.

      My characters resisted, too. Out of all my characters from this novel, I think Elleri was the only one who could be persuaded into it without using methods of torture such as twisting-an-arm and other things like that.


Post a Comment

Comments make the world go 'round... or was that chocolate?

Thank you for stopping by! I read every single comment and love them all. Seriously, it makes my day. I do my best to comment back!

My only rule is basic respect and honor. Disagreement is accepted, but hate and trolling is not. Otherwise, say what you need to say, and have fun. And don't forget to grab a free complimentary mint on your way out.

Popular Posts