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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Beautiful People - Elleri Cay Bastion

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

So she ran away in her sleep

And dreamed of para-para-paradise.

-- Coldplay, Paradise

Elleri is the main character in my latest novel for Camp NaNo 2012. It's called Corruption. The basic premise revolves around a group of superheroes, and how their tidy little existence fractures when two of their members defect to "the dark side."

I'll do my best to explain Elleri the way I see her. She is quiet. Keeps to herself most of the time. Her favorite place in the world is the windowsill in her bedroom, where she sketches away while the sea breeze blows in her hair. She's a gentle, quiet, type. A fairy, if you will. She has spunk, it just comes out at the oddest times and for the most part she's incredibly quiet and fair-hearted. Two words that fit her well are: quiet strength.

"You could sweep her off her feet with the slightest breath. She's lighter than a feather, but she's twice as strong."

- Theo, Elleri's best friend

1. What is their favourite type of shoes?

Anything, really. Her favorite pairs include her black Ash Thelma trainers, a pair of sensible black boots, and white sandals. (On a semi-related note, I've made several Polyvore sets for her, but this one is my favorite.)

2. Do they journal? 

Yes, though not in the way you might expect. Rather than writing down the events of the day, she sketches them. Her leather-bound notebook is full of pencil sketches and the occasional watercolor too.

3. What’s their favorite animal? 

Generally, cats. She has a kitten of her own named Mocha. For some reason, though, I get the feeling that she likes toucans.

4. What does their average day look like?

In short, studying. Elleri lives with a bunch of superheroes at an institution, a refuge of sorts for them to explore their powers and learn how to use them for the good of humankind. While Elleri herself doesn't have a superpower, she does lots of learning. History, science, the arts. Along with that, she's been taught how to push her physical body to the limits. Fencing, archery, and running are some of her favorite activities. She's extremely quiet on the outside, but don't let that fool you. She's got spunk.

5. Night owl or morning person? (Optional: What time do they usually wake up? Go to bed?) 

She loves the night and the morning equally, if that's even possible. She loves to sit on her windowsill in the moonlight, and she loves to sit on her windowsill to see the sun rise, often sketching in her journal. Generally she's more of a night owl, but she's been accustomed to getting up at 6 due to the requirement enforced by Heath (the leader of the school).

6. Do they have a sweet tooth? 

Yes. She appreciates sugar well enough, and will eat some if it comes her way. Her weakness is sugary drinks, like pink lemonade.

7. What colors are their bedroom? 

Pale blue with accents of white. She has a balcony-window type thing opening out to the seashore with wispy white curtains and the scent of a salty sea breeze.

8. Can they cook? 

Yes, a bit. Her friend Ayden has taught her how, but he's the master of culinary talents in their house. She's good at it, but Ayden's talent far surpasses her own in her opinion.

9. What is their favorite household chore? 

Washing the windows, as weird as it sounds. She likes getting elbow-deep in the bubbles and painting pictures on the glass with the sudsy water. She also seems to like vacuuming, for some reason.

10. Favorite kind of tea?

Peppermint, or green, or Irish breakfast tea.


  1. Coldplay! Yes!!

    Elleri sounds lovely, and a lot like my Annick. Ironic, they are both in superhero type novels.

    1. Yeeees. Coldplay! I actually only took the time to listen to Paradise recently, but since then, I'm in love.

      Really? I think Annick sounds familiar, maybe from a BP post or something. That's really cool! If she's anything like Elleri, she must be awesome. (Biased? Me? Nahhh. ;))

  2. she sounds just delightful, I'd say. (:

    1. Aw, thank you, dear! That makes me smile. :) Delightful is one of my favorite words, I don't use it nearly enough.

  3. I love this character's name! It's so pretty!

    A superhero novel sounds like fun. The premise is very cool. Will you be doing both Camp Nano sessions or just one?

    Good luck!

    1. Aw, thank you! I'm glad you think so, that's high praise coming from a fellow author.

      I'm not sure. I'm playing it by ear, I think. I'm planning on doing the June one (if I can get my plot prepared in time). After that, I have a plot I could possibly use for August, if I feel up to it. I'll have to see, since I might be incredibly burnt out after doing just one sprint of 50,000 words. What about you?

    2. You're welcome :)

      The plan is that I'll be doing the June session alone, and for the August session my mom and I are planning to cowrite. I'm just not sure my June idea is going to be enough for 50,000, but the outline is is still a work in progress. It's piecing itself together in places though, and some of it kind of makes sense, so maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised come June. :)

    3. Oh, okay, sweet! Wow, cowriting sounds fun! If you happen to see this, what genre are you planning to do for both of those projects?

      Ha, I'm hoping the same thing for my outline. As of right now, the outline is somewhat nonexistent. I have a master plan of what I want to happen, but specific details are eluding me. *headesk* >.<

    4. June is kind of scifi or dystopia, I think, but "futuristic fantasy" seems a little more fitting. August is going to be more like fantasy (it's a rewrite of a fairy tale).

      I haven't attempted writing anything like scifi before, so I'm trying to make a ton of notes so I've got all the ideas for it somewhere, in case I forget come June.

      Your characters seem to be coming together really well, so maybe that will help with the details? Best wishes!

    5. Oh, sweet! Yeah, I'm not really sure what my Camp NaNo novel would be classified as. It's kind of a mix of sci-fi & futuristic fantasy, like you said. Which fairy tale are you two rewriting?

      I haven't attempted writing sci-fi, either, so we can muddle through it together. I'm looking forward to it, though! I was basically raised on shows like Star Trek, so hopefully it will come easily. I'm not sure if my novel could be classified as sci-fi, though, because the scientific aspects are sorely lacking. :P (I almost typed scientifical. Clearly, scientifical-stuffz is not my strong suit. :P)

      Ah, yes! Thanks, I'm glad you think so! That makes my day. Actually, yesterday I managed to overcome some of my writer's block and actually figured out how to begin the story. I've outlined four chapters thus far. Here's hoping I can keep it up and finish by June!

  4. D'awww, she sounds adorable ... and awesome .... adorawesome! I envy her sketching abilities, haha!

    1. Ha! Thanks. Yeah, so do I. I can sort of draw, but not nearly on the level that she can. That's the lovely thing about writing, we get to experience and do things that we normally couldn't in real life. Living vicariously through our characters, I'd say! And I love it.

  5. I love it! I'm curious to read more about Elleri and such an interesting name too, it's a little peculiar and almost familar too if that makes sense. How old is she?

    1. Thanks! Oh yes, I definitely get what you're saying. The name Elleri seemed familiar to me as well when I first heard it! I really do like her name.

      Hmm. How old is she? I'm thinking 16 or 17. Haven't decided completely yet. Thanks for asking!


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