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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

In Which I Cross the Finish Line

And so... I won NaNoWriMo.

After being away for three-ish days for Thanksgiving, I hadn't written a word. It was the same story yesterday. I was ridiculously sick yesterday, due to my fatigue from the aforementioned trip, so I didn't write much.

(Not to mention I got my first bloody nose, cried a lot due to being so tired, and threw up. But that's another story for another time.)

My wordcount at the beginning of the day today was 47,540. That was about 2,500 words away. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do it, considering I woke up with such a bad headache. (Advil is my friend, though.)

However, I decided that I'd like to finish today, and after my headache lessened a bit, I spent the afternoon writing. I hit 50,000 a little while ago, and I'm excited, sad, and happy, all at the same time.

To be honest, this was one of the worst weeks I've ever had. But now that I've reached 50k, my novel is still going at least reasonably well, and we're decorating for Christmas tonight, I'm thankful. This is the perfect ending to my weekend. The rest of our evening includes putting ornaments on the tree, and watching Elf. 

I'm so glad that good times in life come along with the bad. I'm even thankful for the bad things in life - especially the bad things, I think.

And yes, I'm really thankful that I finished NaNo! There's just one problem: my novel is really, really long. My ending is nowhere in sight, and I have a lot of plot to cover still. Hmm...

At any rate, my Christmas tree needs to be decorated. If you'd like to read more about my noveling journey this November, check out The NaNo Diaries.

And as a final note, this explains perfectly how I feel as NaNoWriMo draws to a close.

Granny Wendy: So... your adventures are over.
Peter Banning: Oh, no. To live... to live would be an awfully big adventure.
- Hook


  1. i should hope you send me your story. ahem ahem ahem. congratulations, darling! :))
    -jocee <3

  2. Wow congrats! I don't think I'll ever ever reach 50k with NaNoWriMo as long as I live. :P It's just not...well, my style of writing to write so much in just one month.

  3. Congratulations!!! :D That's awesome!!! I've got less than 5K to go, but I won't be able to wrap up my novel in that many words either, haha. ;)

    I hope you feel better soon! Does it help knowing that you don't have to stress about those 50K anymore? :)

  4. oh, congrats! that's so exciting. :) I'm sorry you've had such an awful week though...hope winning nano makes up for it a bit!

  5. YAY for you!!

    And reading NaNo diaries...I saw that you said you needed to go watch Star Trek now...{happy squeal!!!} Are you a fellow Trekkie??!?!?

  6. Congrats! Sorry you've had an off week. I hope you feel better soon. :)

    Way to go on reaching your goal. You deserve the highest of fives. :D

  7. Yay you did it!!!! That's so awesome!! I hope you feel better so you can celebrate!


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