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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Beautiful People: Evyn

Once upon a time, there was a book I had about a bluegrass band in the south and the girl who became a part of their lives. This book, Evanescent Fireworks, has been around since 2013, but after many false starts, I've finally begun to write a draft of it that's actually working. To celebrate, I wanted to introduce you to my main character, my dear Evyn.

1. What first inspired this character? Is there a person/actor you based them off of?
Evyn first came to me via a pin on Pinterest. I don't really know how to describe it, but I saw her and I knew she needed to be a character. I pinned that pin to a board called "evanescent fireworks" on Pinterest, not really sure where it would go, but it soon became a story. It took me a while to name her, but I finally decided on "Evyn" because of the "Evan" in "Evanescent Fireworks." I know, I know. So subtle. I gave her the last name of Turnbow because of a birth announcement I saw on Pinterest with that last name. (It's weird to describe my naming process because it's completely random and unexpected.)

The picture that started it all.

For Evyn's personality, I actually gave her quite a few aspects of myself--the shyness and the social anxiety, which I both have. I used to be unable to even ask for more ketchup at fast food places... and that's Evyn. She is the twelve-year-old me, the me before I learned that talking to people doesn't have to be totally terrifying. She's one of my soul characters because of this, and I love her.

2. Describe their daily routine.
Evyn wakes up, does some schoolwork, then watches Netflix or reads. She's a super introverted person with severe social anxiety, so much of her time is spent alone escaping into other worlds.

3. If they joined your local high school, what clique would they fit into?
Sadly, Evyn would be one of those weird loner kids whom no one talks to. (Poor Evyn.)

4. Write a list of things they merely tolerate. Ex: certain people, foods, circumstances in their lives...
Her mom's unpredictability and her life circumstances in general. Evyn is pretty alone and has practically raised herself because her mom wasn't there for her growing up. She doesn't like this fact, but she does tolerate it, mostly because she can't imagine things being different.

5. How do they react in awkward silences?
Evyn reacts by keeping the awkward silence both awkward and silent. AKA, she doesn't do anything.

6. Can they swim? If so, how did they learn?
Evyn can doggy paddle, as taught to her by her half-sister and her half-sister's mom.

7. What is one major event that helped shape who they are?
Evyn's dad left when she was little, and she constantly struggles with the questions of why. It's helped shape her immensely, though not really in a great way.

8. What things do they value most in life?
Evyn values the few people in her life, as well as her personalized, decorated bedroom and her solitude.

9. Do they believe in giving other people second chances? Do they have any trust issues?
Evyn definitely has trust issues due to her dad leaving. She does believe in second chances, only because she's too scared of the alternative (which would mean being disloyal to someone and kicking them out of her life).

10. Your character is having a rough day...what things do they do to make them happy again? Is there anyone they talk/interact with to get in a better mood?
Evyn tries to escape via books and TV when she's having a rough day (which happens a lot). She doesn't choose to talk to anyone, but often the people closest to her can sense what's going on and try to cheer her up.

Did you do Beautiful People? If you haven't, link up here!


  1. I relate to her already, I have social anxiety and it sucks.

    1. Even though things have gotten a little better, social anxiety is still a major thing for me. It DOES suck. :( I'm sorry. Sending you love. ♥

  2. Evyn sounds wonderful! I would LOVE to read a book with her as the MC - guess you'd better get publishing! xD And isn't it wonderful when books work out after so long struggling with them?

    Ellie | On the Other Side of Reality

  3. I absolutely love this meme! I've only just discovered it but already participated XD thank you for continuing with it. Lovely post as well, Evyn sounds very relateable in her daily routine and while personally I don't suffer from severe social anxiety I know others who do
    My Beautiful People Post

  4. Aw. Evyn seems so pitiful. I love the spelling of her name. It's so pretty. ^ ^ Does she like kitties and/or own a cat because she has one in the first pic? Good look writing her! I hope she feels better!

  5. Evyn is so adorable. I hope she finds friends and ends up becoming a little braver. I totally can relate to her too, which I think is wonderful you're writing a story about someone with social anxiety.

    I'm excited to see how this turns out for you!


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