note to self: i’ll be there for you, always
written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
Oooh, that looks like fun! I'll have a go:
ReplyDeletePerpetually startled author seeks novel for month-long melee of madness and hilarity. Characters of all denominations welcome, and accompanying plot bunnies are recommended though not compulsory. Must be prepared for scenes of varying seriousness and comic absurdity. Appreciation for complex and evocative language essential, and if any applicant happens to have an interesting accent, they are more than welcome. Warning: Life Insurance not included.