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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

cold showers & hot coffee

- Sometimes, sometimes, if I'm in the right mood, I like cold showers. It only happens once in a while but sometimes I actually appreciate it when the hot water heater sputters out and refuses to do what it should.
- I also like hot coffee.
- For the majority of the time, hot water is preferred when I take a shower.
- Sometimes, on rare occasions, I like cold coffee.
- What these two things have to do with each other, I have no idea.
- Facebook notifications. I love them. Really, who doesn't?
- The other day I had 51 Facebook notifications. O.o
- I love the feeling of dangling a necklace over your hand and then letting the cool chain settle in your palm. (Kudos to Tumblr for reminding me of how much I loved to do that.)
- I just drank a glass of almond milk.
- With every fact I type, it strikes me how ridiculous and random this post is.
- Our cats sharpen their claws on our couches. This is generally Not A Good Thing.
- I've never owned a dog.
- I have a fish though. His name is Finnick. (Yes. Named after the character in The Hunger Games.)
- Before Finnick, I had a fish named Flynn.
- I'm just sitting here typing any absurd nonsense that comes to mind.
- Do you ever wonder if you're the only one in the world who does certain things?
- Do you ever wonder if a stranger you pass on the street might end up being your friend someday? (Kudos to Micah for bringing that up.)
- I've been using "XD" and typing all caps a lot. Mirriam and Keaghan's fault, I think. ;)
- Samarah and I need Rangers in our lives ASAP. Just so you know.
- I love how the internet gives you friends you didn't even know you had.
- I came across a new word today: Sonder. I've felt this way a lot.
- I loved Gale in The Hunger Games books. Maybe even more than Peeta. (Don't kill me, Peeta fans.)
- This weekend I sang out a One Direction lyric while playing Super Mario brawl with my brother and two of his friends. Yes, my friends, I sang a lyric from a boy band while playing a video game. In perfect context. It felt pretty awesome.
- Lest you think I'm a Directioner... I'm really not. I appreciate the band and a couple of their songs, but other than that, my show of fandom for them is pretty lame.
- SUMMER IS HERE. Let us rejoice.
- I hoped you enjoyed reading this conglomeration of randomness. You have just taken a step inside my brain. Congratulations: this is me.

Comments

  1. GALE FANS UNITE! Also, I'm rather fond of cold showers on occasion ... I love this list. Nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks these strange things ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU'RE A GALE FAN TOO?! YEEESSSSSS. *pumps fist*

      Haha, that was exactly what I was trying to do -- help my readers feel like they're not alone in the things they think or do, and that those things aren't weird -- they're actually quite normal. So I'm glad it worked! :D

      Delete
  2. When you are FB friends with Mirriam, you can expect TONS of notifications. Lol

    Love Finnick the Fish. <3 that is a smashing idea.

    Mirriam has influenced me to do these more: ^.^

    And I love random posts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, I know. I blame Mirriam. ;) But she's awesome, so it totally works. I love it, actually.

      Aw, thanks! Yeah, I thought it was a perfect name for a fish. He's a shimmery blue and green and has quite a spunky personality, so I think he lives up to his name. ;) He reminds me of the book-Finnick quite a lot.

      Oh yeah, those little emoticons are adorable, haha! I don't use them... yet... but with Mirriam's wide and all-powerful influence, it may very well happen soon. XD

      Me too. :D

      Thanks for the comment!

      Delete
    2. I read comments and see I'M BEING TALKED ABOUT!!!! I love you guys XD

      Delete
    3. YES YOU ARE. And we're blaming you for Facebook notifications and overusage of emoticons, but IT'S ALL RIGHT. I'm thanking you more than blaming you for bringing such SPARK and COLOR to my life. :D

      I LOVE YOU TOOOOO. :D

      Delete
    4. I BRING SPARK AND COLOR.
      I CAN DIE HAPPY.

      Delete
    5. YES. YES YOU CAN. AND YES YOU DO!

      JUST... DON'T DIE ANYTIME SOON, OKAY? OKAY, THANKS. I WOULD APPRECIATE IT MUCHLY IF YOU COULD AVOID EXPERIENCING SUCH PERMANENT SYMPTOMS FOR A WHILE. A *LOOONG* WHILE.

      THAT IS ALL. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. B-|

      Delete
    6. I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO DIE ANY TIME IN THE NEAR OR DISTANT FUTURE.
      THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION.

      Delete
    7. YOU'RE WELCOME. THANK YOU FOR COMPLYING WITH OUR DEMANDS. YOUR COOPERATION IS MUCH APPRECIATED.

      Delete
  3. I LOVE THIS. AND YOU. ;) the end, amen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I LOVE YOU TOO. YOU ARE AMAZING. THAT IS ALL, FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.

      Delete
  4. Random posts are always fun. Thanks for sharing yours 8-D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No problem! Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for commenting! :D

      By the way, I love the fact that Richard Armitage is in your profile picture. XD It rocks.

      Delete
  5. love ya.

    and thanks for reminding me...*grabs necklace to dangle in hand*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw, love you too!

      Yes, when in doubt, keep calm and dangle a necklace in your hand. *nods sagely*

      Delete
    2. Or, Keep Calm and Call Batman. That totally works too. ;) I did a post on that once and since then I've become notorious for it. XD

      Delete
  6. Agh. I was trying to approve Emily's comment, but I accidentally deleted it instead. >.< Sorry, Emily!

    Here's what she said: "hehe, I love random posts =) on the subject of cold showers: they seem like a really good idea when I'm boiling, and I get in and for the first two seconds I'm like "oh this is bliss!" but then I start to get goosebumps so I put the hot water on instead ;) "

    I love them too! And yeah, haha, a lot of times I wimp out and prefer hot water. XD Like I said, my mood has to be perfect for me to enjoy a cold shower. But sometimes I enjoy them -- especially during the summer. As for the rest of the time, well... at least we can enjoy those two seconds of bliss while it lasts. XD

    ReplyDelete
  7. ALMOND MILK ALMOND MILK ALMOND MILK. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES I LIKE ALMOND MILK! <3 It's convenient too because I can't drink dairy milk right now -- chiropractor's orders. I reeeeallly miss "real" milk but almond milk is a good substitute! So I'm wheat-free and milk-free now. Fun stuff, that.

      Delete
  8. XD XD XD EHEHEHEHEH. XD XD XD EHEHEH. EHEH.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EHEHEHEHEHE. EHEHE. EHEHE.
      XD XD XD

      You are awesome. XD

      EHEHE.
      EHE.

      Delete
  9. EHEHEH. YOU ARE AWESOME TOO. YOU'RE FRABJOUS.
    EHEHEH. EH.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EHEHEHE. EHE.

      Thank you. XD I love that word.

      Okay, so, I just have to make note of this:

      Eristor and Zane have reached an alliance.
      Alec is in love with Riah.

      I NOW BELIEVE IN MIRACLES. XD

      EHEHE.
      EHE.

      Delete
    2. MIRACLES CAN HAPPEN!!!!
      EHEHEH! IT'S PROVEN! EHEH!

      Delete
    3. INDEED, INDEED. XD

      (Especially the someone-falling-in-love with Riah part. At times she can be a bit hard to get along with, and Alec hasn't even seen the worst of it. XD)

      Delete
  10. Agh! *kicks self* I accidentally deleted someone's comment... aaaagain. -_- Sorry, Melody! Here's what she wrote:

    For what it's worth...I also liked Gale a bit more than I liked Peeta. As the books progressed, I realized who I was *supposed* to like, but I'm a "childhood sweetheart" kind of person, and I just couldn't help myself. :)

    I occasionally like cold showers, but I don't like coffee, hot or cold.

    Also, 'sonder' is a lovely new word in my vocabulary, now, thanks to you. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, good! I'm not alone! It seems as if everyone loves Peeta. I understand why, but I think Gale gets tossed aside in the hype about the boy with the bread. (Don't get me wrong, I like Peeta well enough, too.) And yes! I loved the whole childhood sweetheart thing too. Plus, in the movie he's played by Liam Hemsworth -- who I confess I have a soft spot for because I used him as a cover model for one of my characters. So what's not to love?

      I had a cold shower this morning and it wasn't exactly that pleasant. XD And don't worry about not liking coffee! It's not for everyone. I confess that I am a bit of a shameless addict.

      Ah, you're welcome! I quite love that word.

      Delete

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