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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

A Novel Idea

When I switched blogging platforms, I essentially vowed that I'd sworn off tags forever.

It appears that I have broken that vow; not for mere pleasure (okay, maybe that's a bonus), but for the sake of sharing my novel with you.

Many thanks to Katie @ Whisperings of the Pen for tagging me with this awesome tag. It's such a unique questionnaire.

And now I present to you another long-winded speech about my novel. (But this time, you get to read a few snippets of it as well!)

1. Who are the main characters?

Gavin Gray, a blacksmith who has dreamed of legends long past. Riah Gray, his sister, who is feisty and unpredictable. Torin, the prince of their land who has many grudges and secrets. Chasiel, the princess and Torin's sister, who is sweet and unassuming, and has received a certain blacksmith's love.

2. How did you get the idea for this story?

I sat and stared at the wall, and racked my brain with ideas. Smacked my head against the wall a few times to jar my brain into working, and then repeated the whole process.

I also grabbed a sword and ran after that fickle thing called Inspiration, threatening to skewer it unless it cooperated.

All kidding aside, it was a long process - or at least it felt that way. I had the idea of Chasiel and Torin first, who came along around the end of 2009-early 2010. Then Gray came along, pushing his way into my mind and compelling me to write a story about him. Shortly after Gray was established, I decided to put him together with Chasiel and Torin. Then I just needed a plot - which was one thing I was sorely lacking.

Riah, on the other hand, was one of the hardest characters to figure out. At first her name was Chaya Seagull and she had a completely different story entirely. Several items were connected to her, such as a silver necklace, a strong personality, and mountains by the sea. This annoyed me greatly because there was no way I could think of to connect it with Chasiel and Torin. There's nothing more irksome than a plot that won't cooperate.

One day, I decided that I was going to make it work, even if it meant majorly changing plot points. All of a sudden, the pieces fell into place, and the silver necklace became instrumental to the whole novel. Chaya Seagull became Riah, a feisty young woman who has grown up under her brother's influence and is essentially beyond being tamed. She is one of my favorite characters to write, ever. I think I came up with the bare bones of a plot that afternoon, and then spent the rest of the time counting down to NaNo and outlining chapter-by-chapter in a notebook.

3. What genre is this story?

Fantasy. It's the first fantasy book I've written in way too long, and I'm beginning to think I've finally found the stories I was meant to write.

4. Describe your book in three thoughts:
Bah, humbug. I always dislike summing up my book like this. Oh well.

Gray has always dreamed of finding a treasure that the legends speak of. However, the silver is far from a secret, and others dream of finding it as well, much to Gray's disadvantage. Through a series of events, he ends up doing what he's always dreamed of... but will it be worth it in the end?

5. The bit that describes an obscure piece of real life best:

His eyes flicker to Chasiel. An uncomfortable silence hangs in the air, like the elephant in the room. Everyone knows it’s there, but no one wants to talk about it.

6. The funniest line said by a side-character thus far:

My main characters are much funnier than my side-character. Nevertheless...

[Riah:] “Now I only wish I could knock some sense into that thick head of his.”
Bereket lets out a short, loud, barking laugh. “Ha! Good luck with that. Gray rarely ever listens to common sense.”

7. Your favorite piece of description:

His face was worn, his fingers tough from years of battle—years of fighting for his country with both his pen and his sword.

8. Your biggest fear in the writing of this story:

It's not so much the writing part of it that I'm afraid of as it is the editing. Writing is fine. I can write a bad first draft very, very easily. But when I have to actually fix the mistakes I've made? Oy.

9. Last full sentence you wrote:

The hill started to descend, and Athens skidded down the hill as he attempted to find a foothold.

10. Favorite character thus far:

Riah. Oh my goodness, Riah. She's impossible and yet amusing all at the same time.

11. What books have been written or have you read that are similar in style and flavor to your novel?

You know, the funny thing is that I haven't really ever read anything similar to my novel. It kind of defies the typical fantasy stigma. However, I've taken inspiration from The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lord of the Rings, and the BBC show Robin Hood, respectively. Another novel that has similarities to mine is The Door Within by Wayne Thomas Batson. I read this book recently and absolutely loved it.

12. If it was destined to become a book on tape, who would you wish to read it?

Liam Neeson. His voice is so expressive and one of my favorites.


other links regarding Silver Tears: synopsis, etc.

Note: I'm currently on hiatus writing Silver Tears, and currently have another smattering of words that could, potentially, become a novel. As of yet it's completely jumbled, so wish me luck with that. This new inkling of a story's name is... well, you'll just have to guess. ;)

And now, I tag:

Rachelle @ Inspiring Daring

And... you, if you feel so inclined. ;)


  1. liam neeson is the beast of beasts. and i think your story is wonderful. can't wait to see it on the new york bestseller list!
    -jocee <3

  2. Cool! That sounds awesome! I might do it because I'm a YOU who feels so inclined :)

  3. Oh my. Liam Neeson is my FAVORITE modern actor. He is such an expressive man, both when he acts and when he voices characters.

    This exercise looks fun :3 I might just be so inclined =D

  4. Your book sounds SO cool - I totally want to read it!! =D (And thanks for the tag!! Can't wait to write my post... ;) )

  5. I love hearing about your writing! :) You give me hope, because my story is in the awkward stage: I've got the characters, except for one who won't settle in correctly, the world, except it may be 1000 years ahead or 1000 years behind, and the villain. Now all it needs is a plot. I may need to do some head-banging.

    Also, this took my breath away: "His face was worn, his fingers tough from years of battle—years of fighting for his country with both his pen and his sword."


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