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on the power of showing up

note: I wrote this post in April of 2019 (pre-COVID). It's been sitting in my drafts for quite a while, but I think it's time for it to see the light of day. It's been helpful for me to reread over the past few months, especially as I continue to try to make an effort to write, and I hope it can be helpful to you, too. i got an invite to a writers' group a few months ago, and i had never felt like more of a fraud in my life. it had been months, if not years, since i'd felt like a writer. the proverbial well of words in my heart had dried up, it seemed, and i wasn't sure if it was ever coming back. i agreed to go out of a sense of helplessness—i'd identified as a writer ever since i could remember. if i'm not a writer, who am i?  i told myself that it was important to show up and act like a writer even when i didn't feel like one, because even though i hadn't been writing, i reassured myself, i still was a writer. but sometimes the words f

I Am

Close your eyes and imagine with me for a moment. (Well, closing your eyes could be a bit difficult while you read this, but bear with me.)

Imagine you’re in a ballroom. The decadence is overwhelming. Glowing light is cast over everything as the band plays soft, serenading music in the background. You’re a bit of a wallflower, but you don’t mind. You’re enjoying watching everyone twirl and dance, so much so that you don’t even care that you’re not waltzing with the rest of them. Your soft purple dress falls around you in graceful folds, and your hair is in a curly updo. You wouldn’t even know how to do your hair like that if this was real life. You see diamonds everywhere - in the chandeliers above your head, in the dangly earrings you wear, and the diamond bracelet on your wrist. The sparkly atmosphere makes it feel all the more magical.

You feel a light tap on your shoulder. “May I have this dance?”

You whirl, suddenly brought out of your reverie. You were so lost in thought that you didn’t see this man approach, but now, here he stands. His hair is in sawdust-colored curls, and he bows slightly. A hint of a smile lingers on his lips. You’re not sure whether to feel afraid or excited at this unexpected turn of events.

You take his outstretched hand as he leads you onto the dance floor. He grasps your hand, and you waltz. Twirling, twirling. You study this mysterious stranger as you dance. Who is he? Where did he come from?

“I believe we were never fully introduced,” you begin.

“I’m sorry.” He smiles, almost mischievously. He doesn’t give you his name, and seems to have no intention of giving it to you. You wait for a few awkward moments, and then you tell him your name. “I know,” he says with a wink.

You can’t think of anything to say, so you keep your mouth shut as the dance continues and finally draws to a close. You stand still as the music fades away, suddenly struck with the realization that you danced with someone who is a complete stranger and seems to want to remain that way. Far be it from you to drag information out of him, but there’s something about him that makes you want to know everything. Maybe it’s the way he smiles... or his bluish-green eyes. Whatever it is, you’re intrigued. And you don’t want this conversation - or, rather, lack of one - to end.

Much to your surprise, it doesn’t. He keeps his hold on your hand and tips his head as he looks at you. “Walk with me?”

You are much too surprised to refuse, and allow him to lead you off the dance floor. Together, you walk out the large double doors onto a balcony that looks just like it came from a Disney princess movie. The stars seem to sing above the two of you, accompanied by the sound of the crickets in the bushes below. You study this man curiously. “Who are you?” You finally ask.

“I am,” he simply says.

“No, I mean... who are you?” you ask again, bewildered.

“Tell me...” He begins, leading you by the hand to a nearby bench. “What’s been troubling you? Your thoughts? Your desires?”

You are speechless. “Um...” Again, you ask yourself, who is he? Why does he seem so familiar? And what is this strange hold he seems to have on your heart?

He just looks at you, imploring you to speak with those beautiful eyes of his. And so you do.

“I’ve been thinking. About God. About life. About me...” You trail off. “Who I’m going to marry, mostly.”

He raises his eyebrows, inviting you to go on. “Yes?”

“No, it’s stupid.” You hang your head. He reaches over and lifts your chin up, and you find yourself looking straight into his eyes. “It’s not stupid,” he whispers. “Not to me.”

Your eyes fill with tears. “I feel... worthless. There are no guys who want to date me. No one to even give me a second glance.”

You turn your body away, but he comes around and kneels in front of you. There is no escaping this man. He holds both your hands in his warm grasp. “What about me?” he asks.

“What about you?” You repeat, starting to get irritated. “I don’t even know who you are!”

“I am,” he says simply.

“You are what?” Your eyes fill with tears again, this time angry tears. You don’t understand this man or anything he says.

Then he says your name. So tenderly. So sweetly. The sound is so beautiful that you want to melt. Slowly, you turn towards him again. “Yes?” you reply.

“Talk to me,” he says.

And for some reason you can’t understand, your heart comes spilling out. All your desires. Your wants. Your needs. Your pain. Your fears. Your hopes. Your dreams.

“And while I have your attention,” you say with a laugh, “I just want to say, I want to know... where is that special guy? Why hasn’t he come yet?”

This man across from you feels like one of your best friends. And in this moment, all he does is blink. So you continue.

“Who is my true love?”

The man stands, and pulls you into his arms. Then he laughs softly. “Well, that’s easy.”

He pauses, and you look up into his eyes. His eyes... you nearly drown in them.

His voice rumbles next to your ear, and you will never forget what he says.

“I am.”

Check this post out @ Beautiful in Christ, and just know this: YOU are beautiful. Because Jesus says so.

I'm also guest posting at Hannah Grace's blog today, so go ahead and check it out here!


  1. Wow. This...this left me speechless.

    It's something I needed to hear, needed to be reminded of--He's my True Love.

    Thank you so much for this encouragement. Waiting gets so hard some days.

  2. Oh bother. That almost made me cry. I don't cry easily so that's a huge compliment.

    Thank you dear, that was truly a blessing and a word form the Lord :]

  3. Oh, this is beautiful! My heart melted. Thanks, Sky. :)

  4. This was beautiful, simply beautiful:)

    Thanks so much!

  5. oh wow.....I really needed that today. thanks so much, dear. (: love you!!!!

  6. Wow. Just, wow. That was...incredible. Beautiful. Amazing how Jesus wants to be our best friend, isn't it?

  7. Wow, wow, wow. That is just beautiful. <3

  8. This is breath-taking. It made my eyes fill with tears. Thank you!:)

  9. This is amazing, and so breathtaking. Thank you. It made my eyes fill with tears!


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