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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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Awkwardly Awesome, Part Three



Awkward:


- Accidentally locking your biology book in a filing cabinet the day before you have to start reading it. Oops.

- Trivia sessions with the family.

- Being bugged to post on your blog and realizing how long it's been since you've done so.

- Falling asleep listening to your mp3 player, then waking up to find out you've lost it. (Yes, this happened to me today.)

- Being so involved in writing this blog post and also listening to Celtic music that you didn't hear your parents calling you.

- Wearing the same pair of jean shorts over and over. (It's summer. What can I say?)

- Going to a mall in a richer part of town and acting like gawky tourists.

- Realizing it's been about three or four months since you watched a Robin Hood episode.

- Subsequently realizing that you forgot to finish the Merlin episode you started three weeks ago.

- Dreaming about Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman and coming up with an entire episode in your dream that never happened.

- Deciding to write said episode down and then failing miserably at making your script sound legitimate.

- Feeding your pet fish peas just so he won't get bloated. (The peas make him not get constipated, if you get my drift.)

- Will Scarlett.

Awesome:


- Listening to Owl City's song To the Sky on repeat.

- Doing the same thing as the above with his song If My Heart Was a House.

- Toupee or not toupee? That is the question.

- Realizing that you can, after all, fit your hair into a ponytail.

- Watching Voyage of the Dawn Treader with your little sister.

- Plaid shirts. And Converse.

- Blue skies.

- Hearing from friends that you haven't heard from in a while.

- Being alive.

- Feather earrings.

- Finally getting caught up on your biology that you missed while you were waiting for the filing cabinet to be unlocked.

- Inspiring Celtic music.

- Coming up with ideas for your very first villain: Gesparo.

- Italian names.

- Writing like crazy with Ashley.

- Will Scarlett.

- Jesus.
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  1. Marissa August 18, 2011 at 4:40 PM

    love this! I CAN'T wait to hear about the DQ episode!!

    love and miss you girl!

    much love♥

    ReplyDelete
  2. iGirlAugust 18, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    Cool!! I love Converse, but I can't share your affections with plaid. Sorry, I just don't like how it looks on me. On other people it's fine, but on me it's super weird. It doesn't fit my look as much...sorry, that was random, but I know you don't mind :)

    GO POLKA-DOTS!!!!

    iGirl/Dani

    ReplyDelete
  3. ChristinaAugust 18, 2011 at 7:55 PM

    My very favorite part is that Will Scarlett is on both lists, and that I got to listen to Rugs From Me to You while reading your lists. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownAugust 18, 2011 at 9:45 PM

    Ohh yes. Plaid + converse = awesome. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. BaileyAugust 19, 2011 at 4:26 PM

    So Will is both awkward and awesome? I quite agree. ;)

    I'm with you on not watching Robin Hood for months. I think it's been since January. What can I say? I'm procrastinating so I don't have to finish the 3rd season and watch the ending. :P I'm finally in season 2 of Merlin though... Almost to the SWOOSH! :D

    Love & Hugs, NW sis,
    -Lia

    ReplyDelete

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