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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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I'm... tired.


It's been a long day. My family was definitely under attack today. And I'm exhausted.

My chronic pain has been really bad this past week. I have something called TMJ which makes it hard to chew. So, I'm considering going on a diet of milkshakes and smoothies.

I didn't get much sleep last night due to nightmares about lions eating my head. No joke.

And I was really angry this evening because of everything. Everything was going wrong. Nothing was working out.

I know God is faithful. He's with me.

Now here's to a better day tomorrow! And three cheers for fragmented blog posts that make NO sense! :D
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  1. Miss EyebrightMay 3, 2011 at 10:57 PM

    Oh, poor Sam. :( I'll be praying for you, ok? **hugs**

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  2. Georgianna PennMay 3, 2011 at 11:19 PM

    Ah, my dear sweet Sam girl. I'm sorry you're day was so filled with pain. Don't you just hate that? Psalm 103 has helped me a lot. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. iGirlMay 4, 2011 at 5:07 AM

    Wow, ow! I hope you feel better, pain is not good!
    Have a better tomorrow :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. JoceeMay 4, 2011 at 6:53 AM

    I'll be praying for you, deary!! I know the feeling of having bad dreams. Last night I dreamed Aragorn was saying to Legolas "Legolas, what do your Elven eyes see?" and he saw Sauron's teeth. It replayed over....and over...and over...Oy. I need some tea.
    ANYWAY, you probably didn't need to hear that..today shall be a better day!
    -Jocee <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. InnaMay 4, 2011 at 2:29 PM

    Prayin for ya!

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  6. Bleah Briann//Lovely May 4, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    I'm sure that you'll have a much MUCH better day tomorrow! :) I'll be praying for you.

    xx,
    Bleah

    ReplyDelete
  7. Bleah Briann//Lovely May 5, 2011 at 12:34 PM

    some of my followers aren't able to see my posts on their dashboard... i wrote this post to remedy the problem.

    http://blonde4christ.blogspot.com/2011/05/im-sorry-for-in-convenience.html

    :) thanks!

    ReplyDelete

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