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on the power of showing up

note: I wrote this post in April of 2019 (pre-COVID). It's been sitting in my drafts for quite a while, but I think it's time for it to see the light of day. It's been helpful for me to reread over the past few months, especially as I continue to try to make an effort to write, and I hope it can be helpful to you, too. i got an invite to a writers' group a few months ago, and i had never felt like more of a fraud in my life. it had been months, if not years, since i'd felt like a writer. the proverbial well of words in my heart had dried up, it seemed, and i wasn't sure if it was ever coming back. i agreed to go out of a sense of helplessness—i'd identified as a writer ever since i could remember. if i'm not a writer, who am i?  i told myself that it was important to show up and act like a writer even when i didn't feel like one, because even though i hadn't been writing, i reassured myself, i still was a writer. but sometimes the words f
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[getting there]

I opened a new blog entry because I feel the need to write something. Then I stared emptily at the blank screen, at a loss for words. It's not that I don't have a topic to write about - it's because I have too many. Words and ideas swirl around in my brain, a constant stream of thoughts that barely give me a moment's peace. It was the same way last night. I couldn't sleep because of the lyrics that kept showing up and tapping me on the shoulder. They begged to be written down, so how could I resist? Yet the penmarks on my page have yet to form one, complete song. They are still a bunch of random thoughts, scribbled out in the frenzy of inspiration. But it's getting there. And that's what matters.

I've had the random desire to read my Bible more often. It's highly unusual for me to have that happen, so I'm trying to soak it up all I can. I still have so much growing to do as a Christian. My life has yet to make total sense, to fit into the bigger picture. But isn't it that way for all of us?

I think we're scribblings on a page, placed exactly where God wants us. And we can rest in the fact that he's working in our lives, as the Author of Life. He'll take care of us and weave us perfectly into His plan. Someday we'll all be part of a beautiful masterpiece. We're already a part of one now - we just don't see it yet.

But until then...we're getting there. And that's what matters.
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  1. Hannah GraceJuly 20, 2010 at 7:14 AM

    One thing about being a Christian, dear Kylie, is that we never stop growing in Christ. We are always learning new things, always rejoicing because of 'the hope that is within us'. Life is a book, God is the Great Author, and we are the characters. We can chose to rebel, or we can chose to accept what our Author has for us. I loved this post, Skylee, because I have been feeling like that a lot lately. What should I do? Where should I go? Then I look up and remember that my Lord is holding not just my pen as I feebly attempt to write for Him, but He's holding the pen that is writing my story. He is in control of my life. All I have to do is do what He asks...and trust.

    So maybe that made no sense at all. But it sure helped me to get it out, even if it confused you. ;-)

    Love you, and I'm praying for you.
    ~Half-Pint

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