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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

No one could ever love me like You...

This troubled heartache
won't go away
I think there might be
something wrong with me
I take a deep breath and maybe
I'll stop this shaking
God please don't forsake me
I might be crazy

Am I losing my mind?
Sometimes I feel like
things are getting worse in time
If I try will you open my eyes?
And make me a part of you
like you're a friend of mine

Next time I'm losing my mind
I'll remember that to find my way out
Is just a waste of time
In place of all my mistakes
You've seen through the shadows above me
No one could ever love me like you

If I finish what I started
and get swept under the carpet
I'll still be thankful for all you've done
Take a note to remind me
that you know where you can find me
I'll probably end up right back here again

Am I losing my mind?
Sometimes I feel like
things are getting worse in time
If I try will you open my eyes?
And make me a part of you
like you're a friend of mine

Next time I'm losing my mind
I'll remember that to find my way out
is just a waste of time
In place of all my mistakes
seen through the shadows above me
No one could ever love...

I'll be everything that you want me to
except for perfect
I'm trying hard just to understand
your plan for me
I'll be everywhere that you want me to
unless I fall
I'm just trying to get my life back again

Next time I'm losing my mind
I'll remember that to find my way out
is just a waste of time
In place of all my mistakes
You've seen through the shadows above me
No one could ever love me...


Next time I'm losing my mind
I'll remember that to find my way out
is just a waste of time
In place of all my mistakes
You've seen through the shadows above me
No one could ever love me like you

{Waste of Time, FM Static}

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