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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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A Novel

 This is a true story. It occurred on February 20th, 2010.


My fingers fly over the keyboard, excitement flowing through my veins. We’re almost there. Almost there! After a full month of writing, we almost have a novel. The thought is almost too big for me to handle. A novel. Who knew I would have co-authored a novel only one year after becoming a teenager?

On this journey of being a writer, I never imagined it would take me thus far. Of course, writers write, but I never thought how fulfilling that would be. Even though it’s so much work, I write because I have to. No questions asked.

I finish writing my paragraph, and tell Ashley I’m done. Throughout this whole IM conversation, we’ve been freaking out and talking about how awesome this is. “Okay,” she types back. “I’ll say this only once–I LOVE OUR STORY!”

I grin, feeling another burst of ecstacy. “Me TOO!” I type back.

The moments pass slowly as I wait for her to get done writing, but before I know it she says she’s done. I hurry to go check the wordcount.

“Oh my goodness,” I say. “Guess what?”

“Did we MAKE IT?!” she asks.

I grin as I answer her. “YES!”

“YAY!” she says. “I’m so excited right now.”

“Me too,” I say. I am excited… so excited that I might scream. If it weren’t the middle of the night, I would.

“We have a novel! And we wrote it in 27 days!” Ashley says.

“Oh my goodness… yes!”

I smile to myself. I have a novel. We have a novel. How very exciting.
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  1. ashleystrawser1993March 4, 2010 at 12:10 PM

    this is the best experience I've ever had - in writing terms. :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hannah GraceMarch 4, 2010 at 2:24 PM

    Ahh, that is SO awesome, Skylee! :-D Congrats!

    ~Half-Pint

    ReplyDelete
  3. Miss EyebrightMarch 5, 2010 at 1:35 PM

    Way to go!!! That is so awesome for you guys! Did it take you a while to get to sleep that night? ;)

    ReplyDelete

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