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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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Hills and Bumps

Hi everyone! I’m fresh back from the park! What in the world was I doing there?
I was practicing riding my bike! I bet your thinking, Kylie, you should be able to ride a bike by now…but, I can’t. When I was little, I went to a park to practice. I was doing fine…until I came to a fork in the path. One was a little hill down…and the other was another mountain up (Okay, it wasn’t a mountain, but, I was little! What do you expect?). Guess which one I chose. I chose the mountain! Down I fell, and I got a big goosebump right on my forehead.
Well, after that, I was terrified of bikes. I tried to ride, and I would freak out, and I didn’t learn how to ride. So here I am, still learning, and I regret my fear.
That’s a sort of a metaphor, you know. Fear is a kind of wall, maybe even a prison
that keeps us from doing what we want to do. Later, we regret our fear, but the next time it attacks us, the wall seems just too big to get through.
Well guess what? Jesus is bigger than our fear, and he can take care of it. He’s always there, and he’ll never leave.
So the next time you find yourself jumping in a closet when your friend suggests you ride a bike or watch a scary movie, remember what I said, and maybe ask Jesus to help you. He doesn’t want you to be afraid; he wants you to trust him.
Well, I guess I’d better get to practicing my bike riding! See ya!
Kylie
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