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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

December 2014: Recap

Well, well, well. I'll get the big things out of the way by saying...


I know you all desperately want to see a picture or two.

December was a whirlwind. I didn't want Christmas to come, and then I didn't want it to leave. This was our first Christmas without Grandma here, which was obviously very difficult. Despite this, I managed to find the good spots among it. I got Taylor Swift's 1989 and Ed Sheeran's Multiply, along with a Bucky t-shirt. I was able to spend time with my family, including seeing The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies. I crocheted again, attempting to make an infinity scarf. I took a course on the psychology of criminal justice and passed. And OH. I FINISHED A NOVEL. HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT THAT?

on the blog

I got so busy with other things that the blog suffered. (I'm sorry.) I started off the month talking about when I finally finished a NaNo novel. Then, I was so wrapped up in writing that I started my first rewrite. Cait and I debuted the final part of our Beautiful Books link-up, which overall was a wild success. After a long blog silence, I returned to tell you that I was alive. And finally, I participated in Beautiful Books, talking about my novel Lost Girls. That was one of my defining books of 2014 for me, so it's fitting that that was the last post of the year.

On the non-fiction side of things, I worked with Grafted Magazine in several ways. On the blog, I wrote Jesus Loves Me. In addition, Issue 4 of Grafted Magazine released, which included my look back on the past year. If you'd like to contribute to Issue 5 of Grafted, you can find out more about that here.

The Fangirl Initiative flourished in December, with our first full week of posting beginning that month. Now, for real, you should go check out all of the posts on the blog for December, because I'm so proud of all the contributors and what they've written. But as far as myself, I wrote about the new Star Wars trailer (it was the last day of November but it counts, okay?). I also put together an exciting collab article in which the Fangirl Initiative's team voices their thoughts on Benedict Cumberbatch playing Dr. Strange in one of Marvel's upcoming movies. I also reviewed the first two episodes of The 100. Last but not least, I wrote about the relationships in The Avengers! (Oh, and I made a Christmas graphic too.)


Well, we've kind of touched on this already, but... I finished Lost Girls! Cue screaming!

After NaNoWriMo and the excitement of Lost Girls, I couldn't just stop writing. So I picked up Because I'm Irish, the book extremely close to my heart, for a complete rewrite. My total for the whole month was 27,588. (I haven't written that much since Petrichor! Which I still need to finish by the way.)

The rewrite is going well for the most part. It's better than I ever dreamed it would be. While I'm not sure if I've completely captured the heart of the story, I'm just glad to be writing it again. There are some things from the first draft that haven't made it into this one, but I know I have many drafts left to make it exactly what I want it to be. (Which is both a blessing, and a curse.)


Alas, my music playlist was dwarfed by November's, and didn't even try to compete. The music I listened to this month was scattered between several playlists, so I don't have an actual Spotify playlist to embed here, unfortunately. What I listened to more than anything is below, though.

On the Way Home - Pentatonix
Paint the Town Green - The Script
Home - American Authors
Alone Together - Fall Out Boy
Pumpin Blood - Peter Hollens
Wake Me Up (acoustic) - Aloe Blacc
Nuisance - John Reuben ft. Matthew Thiessen
Losing Your Memory - Ryan Star
Mess is Mine - Vance Joy
Riptide - Vance Joy
Step Out - Jose Gonzales
The Days - Avicii
I Can't Stop Drinking About You - Bebe Rexha
Boom Clap - Charlie XCX
Take Me to Church - Hozier
Can't Hold Us - Pentatonix
Rather Be - Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne
Gold - Imagine Dragons

On Instagram

1. last episode of Once Upon a Time of 2014 // 2. i'm in love with Bard the Bowman // 3 & 4. braces are gone! // 5. i got superhero movies for christmas. it was amazing. // 6. christmas selfie // 7. christmas loot // 8. i look like a milkmaid // 9. a picture taken by my sister, shiloh // 10. the amazing hors d'oeurves done by my sister, shiloh // 11. my sister, shiloh, reenacting "We are Young" by Fun. using her ponies // 12. my happy place // 13. Lost Girls is done! // 14. my thrilled demeanor about Issue 4 of Grafted and the first full week of Fangirl Initiative posts


photoshoot the last day of the year
I caught up on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., finally, and cried at the midseason finale. My sister and I finished season 2 of Once Upon a Time and went away to Neverland during Season 3. I started watching The 100 and also watched even more Arrow. (I'm almost done with season 1 of Arrow, guys. It's gonna happen.) Also, I watched Parks and Recreation, both season 2 with my brother, and season 6 by myself. I also watched season 3 of New Girl!

Other Entertainment: My mom and I watched Safe Haven. What the heck was that ending? My mom and I predicted it, but decided it was too twisted of an ending. Except yeah, it happened.

In Conclusion

December was more full than I realized, with finishing a book, taking a college class in just a few days, and getting my braces off. It's actually been a pretty good month.

January has already been full to the brim. I can't believe we're 8 days in to 2015; it seems unreal. I'm watching Good Mythical Morning late into the night, listening to even more music, learning Irish, and planning my goals for the year. I can't wait to see what happens.


  1. Wow. So much happened last month! (Also, tv shows). Plus it snowed where you live! SO LUCKY I've been waiting for snow, and it didn't happen and that's so sad! :D Hopefully January will be full of lots of stuff accomplished too!

  2. Arrow is so good! It just gets better and better as it continues:D

  3. It's always exciting to me when people get their braces off! Looks great! I remember getting mine off and EVERYONE wanted to see, it was kind of awkward :P Nice job on NaNo, that is no easy feat, I know that for sure! Love Once Upon a Time!


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