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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

A Novel Idea: Astrid + Completing a Novel in 80 Days

Today I'm participating in A Novel Idea, a link up by Ashley @ Ashley Aspires. Check it out by going here or by using the button below!

I've been knee-deep in the first draft of Petrichor (the book Blade and Decker are from), so today you get to meet another character from that dear old novel of mine--Astrid Shields.

Astrid was the first character I came up with for Petrichor. Originally she was the main character, but I actually hated her at the very start of NaNo, so I switched the POV character to Cobie, who you'll probably meet in a future blog meme. I wrote from Astrid's POV, too, though, and over time I've become a lot more fond of her than I used to be.

Her personality is pretty tough-as-nails. Some experiences she went through in her past, though the details are fuzzy, have left a mark on her. She has little patience and doesn't make friends easily, though the only person able to see through her armor would be Blade. One of my first scenes with her was at the shooting range, and that's a perfect example of the kind of person Astrid is.

She lives in a house in Oregon with her three brothers and her mother. Her mom has taken a page straight out of The Hunger Games's example on how to be an absentee mom, so Astrid ends up caring for her brothers most of the time. They bring out her (small) soft spot.

Her personal style is jeans, boots, and white henleys, and she often keeps a gun in her pants. It's her security blanket, as it were. Though she'd hesitate to shoot anyone, she does know how to use it.

I'm not sure how else to describe her, so let's just dig into the meme questions, shall we?

A Novel Idea

What do they consider the most important thing they’ve done so far in their life?
Astrid isn't big on personal achievements, in that she doesn't often think about them. Fighting off her paranoia, PTSD, and anxiety attacks has left her pretty proud, although she often relapses and the struggle is far from over for her. Another thing she's proud of herself for doing is learning how to shoot a gun and take care of herself. Achieving independence--though the level Astrid takes it to is extreme--is something she's glad she did.

What is their greatest regret?
Her greatest regret is a relationship she was in a few years ago that left her scarred. She wish it had never happened.

When was the last time they were really, really frightened?
It could be anywhere from two days ago to two seconds ago. She had a traumatic event happen to her and every so often, her mind relives it, and it terrifies her.

What was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to them?
Going to church drunk when she was seventeen.

If they could change one thing about their past – and only one thing – what would that be and why?
She would run as fast as she could away from the man--her ex-boyfriend--who took away several pieces of her and left her, in her opinion, broken.

x x x x x

In other news, I've finally discovered that when I apply myself to one novel project, it goes a lot faster. I know, shocker, right? This should be obvious, but it's finally "clicked" with me. Thus, it's my goal to finish Petrichor by November 1st, just in time to start NaNo. As of today, that gives me 80 days, which works out to 600 words a day. Barring unforeseen circumstances, I think I can do it, and I'm sure going to try. Wish me luck! 

Oh, and... it helps to write every day, too. Yes, yes, I know. Another obvious fact. It's all clicking into place now, finally. I'm learning!

So that's my latest writing adventure! Keep track of my progress at MyWriteClub and my sidebar. And what writing project are you working on? I'm cheering you on, too!

hey brother, there's an endless road to rediscover / hey sister, do you still believe in love i wonder? / oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you... there's nothing in this world i wouldn't do. 
- hey brother, avicii


  1. Both Astrid and Petrichor seem pretty cool. Although Astrid seems to swing towards hardcore, instead of chill. XD Its always awesome to see someone else working on getting their book out to the world!


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