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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

My Possible Summer Project

Ever since I finished Because We Can, I've been at a serious loss of what to write. I keep bouncing from project to project, mostly mentally. I'll decide to do one project, but then I'll move on.

It's a problem.

I started a book the other night, though, and I hope it sticks. It's been around for a very long time, since I was about 12 or 13. I've been wanting to rewrite it for a while, to make it something amazing. At the advice of a friend, I decided to start with a clean slate.

And here we are.

I'm not sure where it's going, or if it'll last, but I wish it would. I hope it does. I'm still looking in the meaning of all of it, but I'm having one heck of an emotional summer what with my Grandma, and all. And writing is one way I process that and take my mind off of it. So what better way to process my emotions than through a summer story about a band living their dreams? (And then those dreams falling apart? Bwahaha.)

So guys, meet Keni, John (HE NEEDS A NEW NAME FOR REAL GUYS because I already have a character named Jon), Adrie, Willow, and Milo. Milo is adorable and I love him already. Meet the novel that was first called my Keni story, then Somewhere in Neverland, and now (possibly) Something I Need. Meet my possibly-maybe-I-don't-know-we'll-see-summer-project.

Let's see where this takes us.

you've got something i need,
in this world full of people, there's one killing me
and if we only die once,
i wanna die with you
and if we only live once,
i wanna live with you



  1. I love the character photos you choose. They're always so so awesome. yay for summer stories! I love this already. :)

  2. Sounds cool, keep writing! :D

  3. This is so interesting... I really want to read this as soon as you have written it :D It'd kind of inspiring me to try my hand at writing as well!

    1. Aww, thank you so much, Alannah! That means so much to me! I'll keep you all posted! ;)

      Oh my goodness, that makes me so happy. You should totally try your hand at it; I can't recommend it enough. And let me know if you ever want to talk writing!

  4. This is great, and such an interesting idea! I saw this post recommended to me on bloglovin and clicked it because of the pictures, so that drew me in, but your writing about your writing kept me reading.
    I think it's so interesting that this is a story you've been working on, absently and physically, for years- I hope you keep working on it and it really takes shape and becomes what you envisage it being. x


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