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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

what life is like

(lately, at least.)

I turned 18 on the 15th of this month. It was such a weird experience. All at once, I feel not older, and yet older. It's scary to be an adult. Actually, flat out terrifying.

Along with my 18th birthday I got an iPod as a gift, which I'm incredibly grateful for! And with the iPod, I get to take (and post) more photos than ever before. (As well as get the long-coveted app, instagram!)

So here's some snapshots from my life.

1. the moon. i stayed up the night of the blood moon to watch the eclipse.
 it was also incidentally my birthday. (#amiateenwolf?) 
i wrote by moonlight, too. magical.

2. one day there were blue skies. the next? snow.

3. morning light.

4. my cat, tux. who might actually be loki in cat form. we just don't know.

5. chipotle. aka lifeblood.

6. an accidental artistic shot.

7. my dog! i love him.

8. me... self explanatory. 

9. sunlight. man, how boring can these captions get?

10. one of the first shots i took.

11. "drenched in vanilla twilight..." 
i took this while my mom and i were stranded with a flat tire. #funtimes

12. i fricking adore switchfoot.
i finally listened to their latest album, 
and i absolutely adore fading west.

13. my dog and cat do not get along. the sayings are all too true.

14. took this while seeing captain america 2: the winter soldier. i adore that movie, btw.

15. it was snowing when i woke up and i was cold. 
so i snuggled up in my favorite hoodie, 
the one i always wear when i get sick or want to feel comfortable.

16. i was happy that morning. irrationally so. 

17. i got flowers for my birthday!!! om g.

18. i did my makeup like bucky. true story. it was fun.

19. i was (literally) crying over sebastian stan, bucky barnes, and beau. 
all rolled into one mass ball of feelings.

20. my sister and i. no explanation needed.

21. taken the morning after seeing captain america 2. 
and if you want to know what i think about that movie?
I'M STILL NOT OVER IT. #haveyoucriedoverbuckybarnestoday

And now, in the spirit of keeping writing in the blog title, I have to introduce some recent characters of mine.

meet lana, kess, jack, and corbin. 
i have no real idea what i'm doing with them, but i can't wait to find out. 

lana: ridiculously independent, doesn't care what anybody thinks
kess: quieter. interested in machinery and mechanics and the way things tick.
jack: i don't even know man, i don't even know. 
as he himself would say, "there is a possibility that we are certifiably insane."
(this line came into my head earlier today. i'm pretty sure characters have a mind of their own.)
corbin: lana's brother. quiet, the more responsible one of the two. kind of does something crazy.

their story is futuristic, maybe dystopian, weird, robotic and all too cool. huh. i'm excited. we'll see where it goes.


  1. Yay for Instagram! It's my new found app too:D

  2. Happy birthday!! It is scary to be an adult, isn't it? Ugh. *shudders* xD You're pictures are awesome though! I adorrrrrrrre Switchfoot. I bought Fading West right before I went on vacation and listened to it until my ears were sore. It's just....ugh, it's soul food. It's nourishing and perfect. By the way, you are so pretty girl, I love your hairstyle it looks so lovely on you. ^_^


  3. Now, I KNOW this is late, but happy birthday! :) I'm turning 18 this year too and... it's odd. Just very odd. :) I hope you had a wonderful day. <3

    ♥ aspirer


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