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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

i was brave.

as you know, some people pick words for their year as the year begins. i'm the kind of girl who gets her word for the year after the year's over, rather than at the beginning. surprisingly, i'm okay with this.

as 2012 drew to a close last week, i wondered how to reflect upon the year that had just happened. it was one of the hardest years i've ever experienced. i was tempted to dwell on the bad things, but so many positive things came to my mind as well.

so, i'm not going to deny that 2012 was hellish at times, but it wasn't a total waste. it was very lovely in several different ways.

and overall, i've decided that my word for last year is brave.

>> in 2012, i...

rode an ATV for the first time
got my first dog
turned sixteen
got braces after a long wait.
received my stuffed Flynn for my birthday.
started the car for the first time. MUAHAHA POWER.
 (still working on the driving part)
grew so much in my writing and realized that i do have a gift.
created Rane Silverthorne and the novel he's in
formed the tea-spitters, who have 
quickly become some of my closest friends.
became addicted to pinterest
watched doctor who and fell even more in love with the stars
realized (again) that i'm a dreamer.
met Celtic Thunder after being a fan for three years.
(blog post to come)
fell in love with a group of Irish boys
(and introduced my friend Tess to them as well)
fell in love with The Avengers
had several mysterious health issues flare up
(that's why i describe part of this year as "hellish.")
did a few vlogs
was so supported and so very blessed.
thank you: Wren, Jo, and Keaghan,
and everyone else who has been there for me
and has done their best to understand my pain.
thank you to those who sent me packages
to brighten up my day.
i met Micah, who told me i was brave.
had many late night conversations with Annah
wrote an alternate universe with 
Caroline and Mary about our characters,
and had several of my characters fangirled over.
(there is nothing like having someone
fangirl about your novels. trust me.)
discovered quotes that made my heart sing.
fell in love with tony stark.
had a visit from my Pip.
saw Brave with Pip.
discovered the joy of having hair 
long enough to put in a ponytail.
fell in love with sweatpants
pulled my first all-nighter due to my health
(it's not what everyone says it is, trust me)
met so many new friends, 
and grew closer to others.
Ashley, and Lia, just to name a few.
dreamed about taking a road trip. someday.

i struggled. had doubts.
went through a long period of time of feeling distanced from God.
now, as 2013 dawns, i feel like i'm getting emotional & spiritual healing
and that i'm back where i belong.

and most of all, i got through it.
i got through 2012.
i was brave.


  1. I was brave, too. Who knew we were walking brave together?


  2. :') You were definitely brave. You're a beautiful person inside and out, Sky, and I'm so glad to have met you.

  3. Go Sky! Being brave is tough.

    I particularly liked the one on your list where you started the car. Starting the car is a HUGE step! People underestimate it! (The actual driving is not half as good as that first whoosh of power.) ;)

  4. You were brave, Sky. You're an inspiration. I know 2012 wasn't all easy for you, but it's so great you're looking at the lovely things that came from it as well.

    I pray that you have a beautiful 2013. You're a wonderful person and I hope you have the very best. <3

  5. Being brave is amazing. I wish I was braver.

    And having someone fangirl over your own personal novels?? Yes, very awesome :) It's one of the best feelings in the world.

  6. "Fell even more in love with the stars." Oh, darlin' do I know the feeling! Sounds like it really was a fabulous year. Love ya!


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